Replies (89)
The right moment to begin dating for marriage begins when you start dating. Don't waste your time dating for any other purpose.
OceanSlim
If you are married and do not yet have kids all I will say is that your life will be drastically better with kids than without them no matter what your financial position is. Stop waiting the right moment. The right moment with the day after you got married.
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Not to mention it's easier before your knees go
There will never be “a good time” for kids.
Besides it's pretty cheap entertainment trying
Some would say the best entertainment! Trying is the best part!
Facts
I could never really understand why people tortured themselves with marriage if they don’t plan to have kids.
I had kids young and it was rough getting settled into stability, but I see so many peers just waiting and waiting for every reason why they are not ready. Sooner or later, you miss the boat. Have Faith, take the leap.
Even if you have kids marriage is completely unnecessary. Except if marriage gives you benefits like tax returns, cheaper kindergarten etc. I don't even know if such benefits exist :)
Two can love each other and be forever together without marriage but I know that's somehow hard to understand and unthinkable in some cultures.
For most people that miss the boat, it's before they know it.
I can almost agree with this. If you have kids you should be married. If you don't want kids (a mistake for most) then there is no point to getting married. That's why I don't und the whole gay marriage thing. I don't care what other people want to do and I may disagree personally but I wouldn't advocate for laws against same sex relationships, but what the point of getting married if you can't have kids anyways.
you can have kids if you are gay. lesbian couples can have donor sperm. gay couples can have donor eggs and surrogates. any couple regardless of sexuality can adopt. that's a family just as much as having "your own" biological children.
Not biologically was my point but I'm curious, what's the percentage of gay couples that adopt?
Fwiw I'm very against surrogacy and in vitro fertilization....
Against IVF for the same reasons I'm against abortion.
Adoption is good.
There are better times for kids. With my wife we waited 5 years to have kids, because we wanted to be better financially... and I regret waiting. It was definitely less stressful to have kids when we weren't living paycheck to paycheck and my wife could stay home, that's undeniable, though.
Also, while I agree that people will be better off with kids, it's most definitely not all roses. Kids are absolutely wonderful; they are also the toughest job there is. My kids are very well behaved kids, and they are still a lot of work. Is it worth it? 100%. Is it fulfilling? I cannot think of anything more fulfilling. Is it stressful and tiring to the point where some days you feel like you were ran over by a semi? You bet.
You fucking bet. Raising kids is the toughest job. Makes sense because it's also the most important one. No one's perfect and we all fuck it up sometimes. We're all just trying to figure it out day by day.
have kids or don’t. 🤙🏽
everyone has their own mission.
Every humans mission is literally to have kids. You trying to conquer the galaxy or not?
I’d say your life is drastically more fulfilling. Agree - just have kids early, nature doesn’t wait.
Except when it's lethal to the mother.
It will also be harder. Lol but yes, more fulfilling. Responsibility is what yields meaning. That's why we live in a depressed society. People sitting around with no responsibilities wondering why they're so sad even though their life is so easy in comparison to any other time in history.
kinda regarded bro
not about gay marriage but
some people want companionship even if they dont want kids.
or if theyve dedicated their lives to something else and don't have enough life left for kids.
although i agree with your basic point about traditional marriage
there's lots of different ways to be a human being
Well, that would be her choice of course.
You don't need to be married to be together forever...
Yeah, We shouldn’t want an easy life. Struggle, boredom is essential.
#truth
There is never the right time… even if you think you are ready, you aren’t, but you also are a 100% ready, even if you are not at all too
Very regarded 👌🏻
#typostr
ceremony is important.
The ceremony comes from a religion that explicitly states the union is between man and woman...
I really don't give a shit legally anyways. Call it a government marriage.
I'm didn't say anything about gay marriage
and I don't care what the state thinks.
I think we can agree the state shouldn't be involved anyway.
You’d be amazed at the cognitive dissonance that occurs against mothers that choose to free birth. I personally don’t agree with it, and I find it to be the most extreme form of ‘my body, my choice’ with substantial risk for both mother and child; but it’s wild to see how many people want to insert themselves and the medical complex into life-giving because of the safety profile. I don’t have the right answer, but it’s an interesting debate around this topic to watch unfold.
you saying that doesn’t make it true.
some people don’t want kids and that’s cool too.
Yes, I have three (ages 22, 21, and 17). I kinda wish I had more. Now I’m 50, my wife is 51. It feels like I blinked and my babies are all grown up. My oldest just moved to South Korea a couple months ago. I hope they can find good spouses and give me some grandkids. I think I can be a better grandfather than father.
I would absolutely advise people to use modern medicine. The risks are abundantly clear. It's a tough one for sure since modern medicine is full of its own problems. I'm against abortion since it's not just her body. There's another human involved here. But the method of delivery is a grey area. I would probably err on the side to let the mother decide ultimately. Mostly for the same reasons I believe people should be able to decide what vaccines their children receive.
But ... It is true. What's the point of life if not to procreate. That's like the only thing you're supposed to try to do before you die. It's literally nature. To argue otherwise would be to disregard the expansion of mankind. Malthusian.
Probably so. You have experience now! The joy in your parents eyes when you tell them you're expecting is priceless.
In general I agree, but would like to point out:
1. There’s something to be said for being together a few years before having kids to focus on building a strong foundation in your relationship first. It will set you up to be a better parenting team.
2. Some couples absolutely should not have kids. So this does not apply to everyone.
1. If you don't have a strong foundation in your relationship, you shouldn't be getting married.
2. If you're not having kids, why get married anyways.
Yeeeaaaahhhh no. No thanks.
Your loss.
I don't have children and I'm not married, financially single that's how it is!
You better start dating then. Your time is running out. Your finances have no bearing on your actions. I'm not sure what financially single means.
Based on what I know and have seen, not at all. But you do you. Someone has to make more warm bodies to keep the species going. Glad you volunteeted.
I don't think marriage would actually stop the social nuisance (the top 1% hypersexuals becoming unstoppable disease vectors) much like marriage doesn't stop heterosexual men from cheating. It's more likely that they would marry people with the same interests, much like paedophiles already occasionally do
>marriage doesn't stop heterosexual men from cheating
maybe this is true, but you must consider that married people are broadly speaking less likely to sleep around. and there are other benefits to being married. it's not just an arrangement for making babies. the culture should promote pair bonding commitments more aggressively and de-emphasize the role of the state as a substitute for a spouse.
Yes, but this is likely to be a selection effect. If you're going to cheat on your spouse, you would be less likely to get married so that you don't risk an expensive divorce. If you're forced to get married it won't necessarily change your nature.
Social attitudes are driven by politics and legislation. Gay marriage is of course an example of this. Much less popular before it was made legal than after. Same with abortion and a number of other things. Women are never going to vote away their right to initiate financially devastating divorces so the popularity of marriage will likely continue to decline.
No, completely wrong.
Right moment is the wedding night. Slacker. 😁
Oof. Terrible advice, but you do you. 🤙
It more of an opinion then advice :) Of course it depends how laws are structured in your place and how much rights one have if bad things happen. These are somehow a taboo topics nobody likes to talk about but because people like easier ways, they choose marriage but this can become more of a burden then not if one decided different path.
agree but i wouldn't recommend it if you marry your cousin
as a child of a broken marriage i object to this, it's damaging to the children to not have firm boundaries and it's bad for the adults to be wishy washy about making commitments, reserving the right to break things up should have a higher penalty considering the effects it has
my father was an abusive shit though, i mean, really bad, some of the things he did, cold blooded
Agree 100% 💪
Strong argument 👍
You will never be ready to have kids
Nobody's ever ready for it
If we waited until we were ready to do something the world would come to an end
Mine got so much worse - in my head. Such a steep learning curve full of insomnia, neurosis, parental regression and panic attacks with heart rate hitting 215 for 15 minutes even few times a day.
Then I found out it was really in my head, because my parents kinda suck big time, I just melted down with babies and went through a LOT of own shit in extremely short time while being constantly extremely busy.
Parenting can kill you. It's ok to hate it for a bit. It's bloody difficult and you feel no shame for not worshipping the nonstop care like instagram and homeschool parents do.
But once you're ok with recieving the biggest love of your life, absolutely pure feeling from another being, unconditional and so fragile, you'll skyrocket and neve go back down. Let your own shit go and just accept your child unconditionally. I promise it'll be extremely hard and rewarding many times that much.
OceanSlim
If you are married and do not yet have kids all I will say is that your life will be drastically better with kids than without them no matter what your financial position is. Stop waiting the right moment. The right moment with the day after you got married.
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Lol
100% agree -kids make the world better
1. I completely agree.
2. Your argument doesn't make sense to me, because I can't see where you're coming from.
You can have children without being married — marriage is not a requirement for that.
Through marriage, two people are bonded together with God's blessing. If you believe in God, then according to the Bible, you should not have sex before marriage. That means you marry first and then have children, which invalidates your argument.
If you don't believe in God, why would you even consider marriage just because you want children? Two people can love each other, stay together for life, and raise happy children without ever getting married. Again, this invalidates your argument.
Either you marry because you seek God's blessing, or you don't believe and view marriage as just a piece of paper for tax benefits or other legal advantages. In both cases, marriage itself is not necessary for having children.
That's why I don't understand your point.
I cannot agree or disagree.
But I want to find out.
40. Single. Searching.
Maybe kids one day 🤷🏼
It’s hard out there for an emerging pleb surrounded by NPC’s
Yes, wish I had married and started sooner.
Search hard brother. Be very upfront with your dates. You need to be going on a first date like once a week. You don't have much time. It's already too late for most women your age.
I'm both cases, marriage provides a public display of your commitment. Children should be raised by 2 parents. Marriage provides assurance in both cases. A commitment to each other either in front of God or the state.
Thanks dude. First goal is to relocate.
I truely feel your sentiment. Waking up to the nonsense and realizing life ain’t about status is a hard pill after several careers.
I’m owning my past ignorance and making changes.
Depends on the global population. But yea, you should avoid that unless we get to a few hundred people left. 😂
Dam you're so right... I guess we did practice on the wedding night. 🤷🏻
If you don't have kids, you know nothing of how they change your life.
Don't be afraid to let a woman work on you. You'll both have to continue making changes on each other as you grow together anyways.
Marriage is the only binding “commitment” that currently exists. I wish we had other options. I think committing to something (someone) is an essential step in life. Does it have to be “Till death do you part” marriage? I don’t think so. Maybe we could have term limits, or renegotiation periods, like when the babies become teenagers or leave the house.
But the same goes for any partnership (creative, romantic, platonic) if you don’t commit, and take on some of the hard stuff about getting close to others, then yea, I think we lose as a society.
Raising kids is one of the most rewarding things on earth. My kids gave my life a meaning. But…
Raising kids will be one of the toughest jobs on earth. You will be constantly confronted with your own shortcomings and every little thing you buried deep down your soul will be brought back. You will get to know why sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
Due in June. Stoked.
Congrats man. The first 6 months is the hardest part. Don't say I didn't warn you!
Constantly aware of your own shortcoming. It's the most humbling experience.
Anyone got 1000 sats to spare
And zero wisdom.
2nd time I’ve see you begging.
Earned a mute.
Being a parent makes you responsible for someone else that you care more about than yourself.
—It’s rewarding af.
Being a selfish bachelor might sound full filling but it wears thin.
Some of the most unhappy people I know are 50yo+ couples with no kids.
🧡👊🏻🍻
Advertising?
Every 6 months are new challenges
That's certainly true.
The sleep deprivation is the worst in the first 6.
You learn so much. I swear we are given kids to learn
I slept with mine on my chest. As soon as they stirred, I was on it. I don't remember having too bad a time
I agree with you. Children are a blessing
Sure bro. You didnt tell them about the moments where you wanna punch your three year old in the mouth. God made babies and toddlers cute as hell to keep them alive I swear. Love 'em to death tho. 😂
Upbring under the Bitcoin standard. Think of finding or creating a Bitcoinized school or homeschooling curriculum. If they live under the fiat standard, we will regret having them in the future (as many parents now do).
I could say the same about you.
Except you really can because I have children and you don't. That means factually I have more wisdom than you on the subject.
Do you know what wisdom means?
Yes, do you?
