One of my only remaining friends lost a friend to suicide recently as well. She's another person I wish would kill me before herself. I almost purple pilled her on nostr the other day, before all this shit escalated with @𝕾𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖕𝖞 but she doesn't text me much, so I've been waiting since then for her to text again and continue the conversation. Meanwhile I Google her name every day to make sure she's alive. I assume she doesn't want to back me up against all the harassment I'm facing and as always I wonder if she's just about done being friends with me. I wish I knew Digit's name so I could just Google it to know she's alive. View quoted note →

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of pain and guilt. I can see how much this situation weighs on you. I urge you to seek help from people who can support you through this, like counselors or crisis services. What you've written shows you care deeply about others, even if you're struggling to express it in healthy ways. There are people who want to help you navigate this and find peace.

This should have been a reply instead of a quote post that split the thread. I hate the Jack Dorsey style malware UI here, it's so hard to avoid abusing it the ways it promotes its own abuse. View quoted note →

In case it's not clear, the reason the coincidence is so spooky to me is the timing. I found this out right after posting a rant about this topic. Kind of a terrifying omen. Don't know what to do.

if you kill yourself, none of this is a problem anymore.

Me killing myself wouldn't bring Digit back, but you killing yourself would mean you can stop seeing my posts 🤙

Based on the bizarre coincidence with Digit, I have decided to watch all of Aubrey Plaza and Jeff Baena's collective filmographies and also separately try to push through my backlog of reading material (which is mostly from Digit). The first entry to watch seems to be Jeff Baena's co writing credit on I Heart Huckabee's. Started with that tonight. It's hard to enjoy stuff fully without knowing if Digit is safe but this movie is really good. Lot of elements making it hard hitting for me, like the whole plot thread about coincidences. Definitely the best Mark Wahlberg performance I've seen. He really made his character feel real while playing a completely unrealistic character in a fever dream of a movie. The lessons in the movie were reaffirming of my own beliefs, about everything being interconnected and people being less different than they think and stuff. I mean, it was reassuring to see that the people who made this movie see some of this stuff the same way I do. One takeaway I can count as a new lesson is to keep in mind that perhaps "human drama is inevitable." On the other hand it made me realize I better try not to invest too much in hoping to get answers or insights about my situation from watching TV or movies. Art imitates life and the stories might mirror or parallel mine but I'll still just wish I could ask Digit which of these movies and shows she's seen, and what she thought of them. I did already watch some of Parks and Recreation based on her recommendation. I keep saving the rest to watch later and I probably will still keep saving some to watch later until I either find out she's safe or I die myself, because I don't have much else to watch recommended by Digit. If I binge it, first time watching each part is gone forever. Not sure if I'll continue chronologically or what. Also not sure if I'll watch more tonight or when. There won't be any schedule, this isn't some event to follow, I just want to watch it all and write down my thoughts.

A few other minutiae: "I'm not his therapist" was hilarious The overalls & bonnet outfit was cute as fuck. Real women can dress like that imo There was a moment where the detectives asked what happened to Albert and I had Caesar from New Vegas in my head (rent free) going "it's Hegelian dialectics," was that supposed to be the answer to the question though? Maybe actually yes

I just found out Aubrey Plaza plays death in the MCU? That's a really sad coincidental last role before the loss of Jeff Baena. Must make it even more surreal for her. Unrelated but it sucks how MCU Thanos didn't even have a cool obsession with this character driving him, just lame shit

Watched Aubrey Plaza's first movie tonight, The Mystery Team with Donald Glover. She wasn't in it that much but she was the best part of it other than the overly hardcore kid. Her character had a textbook on forensic psychology and used to study the field. Digit sent me psychology books because she used to study the field. Did she see this movie? Was it part of why she found Aubrey Plaza so relatable? No way of knowing. I don't know what kind of walkie talkies the kids had. I would give Digit a walkie talkie too. That was relatable. Also watched her first TV appearance which was the 30 Rock episode Tracy Does Conan. She was only in it for like 2 seconds, so not much to say about it. Some website said it's "the episode where 30 Rock became 30 Rock." Good show. Dr. Spaceman's first appearance I think.

Aubrey rules.

Digit rules. Aubrey seems to do good work on the screens though. Looking forward to her filmmaking credits too

Gonna watch Ingrid Goes West next in light of Aubrey deleting her Instagram account. Which I support, but it worries me about how she's feeling, just like Digit deleting her reddit account. I've seen part(s) of this one before and an interview about it that I used audio of in a mixtape for Digit. I think she mentioned in the interview she actually made her Instagram account to promote this movie? It's about a mentally ill social media stalker and I expect it to hit too close to home and be really painful for me. Here goes

Only a few minutes in and now I remember stopping watching it before because I thought it would be painful. Sticking with it this time. I feel like the flashy social media montages are setting up for everyone's real lives to kinda suck on closer inspection probably

If this movie has a happy ending it will make me scared my problems are even worse than this character's. Or if not it will probably all remind me how fucked up I am. But Aubrey's acting is crazy good here

As a character I'm kinda like if Ingrid was honest but that might somehow make me worse

How come horror movies usually make me laugh but this movie has me so horrified I can barely watch it

I can't talk about Ingrid Goes West without spoilers. I can't believe how painful this movie is to watch or how painful it must be for Aubrey Plaza to look back on. No other movie has ever hurt anywhere near this much to watch. Ingrid's mom died of a heart attack and left her a bunch of money. My dad died of a heart attack and left me a bunch of money. But Ingrid lost her best friend and I was spared that by not knowing my dad, and I got more money. I remember why I stopped watching this the first time. It hurt to see a woman reminiscent of Digit suffer worse loss than me and get less money and be even more of an ostracized lonely piece of shit. More than that, it seemed like a lie. I thought the movie was lying by telling me a hot Digit-esque girl could be even more of an ostracized lonely piece of shit than me. It seemed like emotionally manipulative storytelling. I was so wrong and I hate myself as always. I seriously just assumed this must *not* be one of those Aubrey Plaza works Digit found relatable and thus I would only hurt myself for no reason by watching it. But after sticking with it, Ingrid has it so much worse than me, and not only that, but Digit could have had it just as bad and been just as depressed in the time I knew her, while I was writing this movie off as a lie. And not only that, but Digit might have gotten a worse ending. And not only that, but Aubrey Plaza definitely did get a worse ending. I remember my first time starting to watch this, I thought: I empathize so much with this character but I'm not even empathizing with a real person, I'm empathizing with a charismatic actress who makes a lot of money and is widely beloved, but at least the actress is empathizing with real people to portray the character so well, but nah the actress is lying to pull my heartstrings. But nah, the actress was doing very honest storytelling and I just never stop being a fucking idiot. I knew a hot Digit-esque girl, literally Digit in fact, going through worse shit than me, because we both felt ostracized and lonely and worthless but she also knew she was unable to save someone important to her. I was extremely aware of this at the time, thinking about it constantly, desperately trying to think of any way to make Digit happy, but I still couldn't believe a movie showing me how bad she might really feel. But now even the actress that played this character is probably in a worse situation than mine, not even playing a character in one, because like Digit, she also knows she was unable to save someone important to her. And this fucking beautiful movie was her trying to save people from this exact thing. And I didn't give it another chance until this late. Fuck. Digit and Aubrey Plaza usually look different but there are these moments where they look almost the same, for real. Not sure what to say about that. Makes sense she used reaction gifs of her all the time. All the characters in this movie are so compelling. Great cast. I can't tell if the movie's relationship with cocaine was normalizing it or not. It showed it alongside weed at one point as if they're similar. But it's not showing these people as having great lives while doing it. I guess I'm paranoid about the subtext with stuff like this because I hate that all the women I've been with or been friends with have been into occasional drugs harder than weed and other dumb shit like that instead of trying to survive. At least none of them are addicts I guess. That's lucky. Digit might be better than the others, idk if she ever did anything that wasn't prescribed or needed for physical pain or at least well researched and planned out to use. I should stop typing about this movie now before this becomes even more of an overly long weird schizo post. I hope Digit is alive and I can still have a chance to try to be helpful in my life. I hope Aubrey Plaza can still feel happiness in her life. Will continue with the rest of her and Baena's filmographies while assuming nothing else in there can possibly be this painful to watch.

Still hit hard by this movie. Might have to watch it again and try to process it more. Sad to look back on this clip of this interview after Aubrey Plaza has deactivated her Instagram account over her recent loss.

Spoilers ahead. I watched Life After Beth, the first product of Aubrey Plaza and Jeff Baena working together as a pair. Before watching Ingrid Goes West, this is the movie I expected to be most painful out of the couple's collective filmographies, because making this movie was a chance for the couple to discuss topics of death and loss and grief, and prepare each other for possible losses, and I never got much time for any of that with Digit. I never got to ask what she meant the one time she said I'm "not loyal," I never got her permission to move on, and if she's gone I don't imagine I can move on, even though we were just friends. This movie's entire concept seemed like it would taunt me over that. But it's just a movie, and I knew it must be more painful for Aubrey Plaza herself to watch, so I wouldn't skip it. The first thought I had other than expecting pain was to appreciate the really good soundtrack. I was hit hard by the line "I really didn't take enough pictures. So foolish." I really didn't take enough screenshots. So foolish. And then, "you know, I'll never play music again." I keep struggling with whether I can release original music without knowing if she's safe. I know if she's gone, I never can do any music again, original or otherwise. I don't know if I should without knowing. If she's alive, getting good at music could help me find her and be useful to her. But I don't want to do it without her. So far I've only released edits/remixes and I don't know if that's been the right thing to do either. It sucks how if Aubrey Plaza watches this movie it will probably be incredibly painful, and if she never watches it again, leaving it behind might be painful too. The pain of such a loss is amplified by so many dark choices like that, where both options just lead back to the pain in different ways. This movie is almost as painful to watch as Ingrid Goes West. After seeing Ingrid Goes West, I didn't think it would be able to come close. The movie seems to promote the idea of being able to move on. The main character isn't overly attached. That's good for Aubrey I guess. The guy Beth ate in this movie is way more interesting than the main character because of that lack of attachment. Beth said that guy actually cared about her. I wanna be the guy that gets eaten. On the other hand, it's sad how zombie women will eat guys that actually care, while really loving and having some aversion to eating some guy that barely cares. Jeff Baena is a way more interesting person than me. His thoughts on a zombie apocalypse involved mostly the painful stuff we all don't want to consider, about how survivors might be personally impacted. But I'm not the normies the shooter brother is satirizing - I've thought about how to try to keep the zombies alive instead of just the normie topic of how to survive. I'll never know if Jeff Baena would see me as the type of guy being satirized there. That's painful. I wish he was alive. The movie gets much better when the main character really seems to care about Beth. At least he's not completely too soulless to appreciate her and the stuff in the beginning wasn't just bullshit. The ending of this movie seems like it would be more painful for Jeff Baena to watch after losing Aubrey Plaza than it can be for her to watch after losing him. In fact, if I made this movie with Digit, the idea of outliving her after making this movie together would be so terrifying - I hate that this reads like a joke because it's not: I might commit suicide around age 47 to avoid outliving her in that situation. I don't know how to phrase that being more clear that it's not supposed to be funny. But my life would be a small price to pay for me and Digit being the ones that made this movie together and spent our lives together. I don't know if I'm just reaching based on projection, but I bet life was so worth it for Jeff Baena. The ending also reaffirms for me that I don't want to be this movie's main character, I want to be the guy that gets eaten because he actually cares. Whoever wrote this movie is a genius for including that part. I do understand that line was ironic, I'm just interpreting it in a different light. I don't know if Aubrey Plaza can watch this movie after losing Jeff Baena, but I definitely can't ever handle watching it again if I find out Digit is gone. I'm so fucking scared.

She probably has dreams about him coming back. They might be hard to handle waking up from. Digit made me stop having dreams I couldn't handle waking up from. I always wondered if she had any too. I always found it so terrifying to think maybe she didn't talk about hers because nobody could help with them like she did with mine. Now it's even more terrifying. I hate myself for being able to handle waking up from dreams about Digit when I couldn't handle waking up from dreams about other shit before her. How could she make it less painful for me to be alive when my problems are so much more serious now? Sorry, this has little to do with the thread about Plaza & Baena's filmographies.

Digit liking the song "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie adds to how much I wonder if this is one of the Aubrey Plaza works she enjoyed

Probably final thought on this for now: Life After Beth is a really good zombie movie. I should have watched it when it originally came out, I was into the zombie movie trend at the time, but I must have been put off by it being a movie that promotes moving on. I was never into that

I guess it's stupid to wish I got time to discuss these topics in particular or "permission to move on" - it's more like pressure than permission, because if she's gone, moving on would kinda be worse than a life of revenge. The real issue is that I didn't have more time with her in general. I guess promising your partner you'll move on if they die is sometimes actually a price you have to pay for time with someone and maybe Digit didn't give me more time because I wouldn't pay that price. I guess watching this movie helped me write out these thoughts and realize what didn't make sense about them.

The underlying pain was really just the reminder that I didn't get so much time with Digit, and every movie with two people being around each other will probably have that, let alone Digit's favorite actress and her late husband.

And the real reason Life After Beth was so painful is just because it's sad as fuck

It's interesting that this movie took a few minutes to establish that it was about a Jewish family, given the topic. I won't elaborate because these days I'm not into Judaism enough to do my research and make sure I wouldn't explain wrong. It does make me think about her position as an elite in American society, and how her personal life has influenced her. I will elaborate on those thoughts, but later, when I've absorbed more of her work so that I can show more understanding and less speculation (not that I can avoid speculation as a random guy trying to understand a celebrity)

You're either a bot, a child, or a clinical psychopath.

Nope, you're just retarded, sorry.

I guess even though waking up from dreams about Digit doesn't hurt as much as certain dreams did before her, there have still been times when I was in more pain over her then I ever was from those dreams. I guess brain chemistry can only sustain pain for so long before being numbed by exhaustion. I guess I'm not so bad at suffering over Digit. My feelings have almost matched with how important she is. That's good. Trying to get through today after seeing part of the fucked up discussion that happened on the wallstreetbets Discord this morning, it keeps getting more and more painful, almost like those old days. View quoted note →

Yep, you're a child. Figured it out.

This thread was getting too cluttered with me using it to write down all my thoughts, so I decided to start waiting a while after each thing I watch, to collect my thoughts more fully and put them all in a combined post every couple weeks. I also didn't watch much else last month because the topics of these movies were getting hard to deal with. -------- I re-watched season 1 of Parks and Recreation. This is the thing Digit actually recommended watching out of Aubrey Plaza's whole filmography. She shows up more in the later seasons though. Aubrey Plaza's character April is usually just getting quick moments of screen time to interject unexpected stuff in season 1. There are only 6 episodes in season 1 and I don't notice that much stuff that might teach me anything about Digit. April doesn't need much time on screen to stand out from everyone else. Digit doesn't need much time on screen to stand out from everyone else. Idk if they're alike other than that. April is funny and lovable but Leslie Knope is more relatable to me. When the guy says to her "park lady, you suck" and she's like "he called me park lady" it reminds me of how people tell me "it's creepy to love Digit so much just from meeting online" and I'm just like "wow, they notice how much I love her." Interestingly, Aubrey Plaza says she also finds Leslie Knope more relatable than April. She says April is more like her sisters. One of her sisters is also a psychology major, like Digit. This fits with Digit seeming to find April relatable maybe. But I can't do anything but speculate. It makes it frustrating that I don't know Digit herself well enough to make a solid guess on whether her main interest in Aubrey Plaza is April the character being relatable, or she relates more with Aubrey Plaza herself, or both, or neither (just seeing superficial similarities in appearance or something). I hoped I would learn enough to refine my guesses, but so far I'm just learning more reasons to be uncertain. I used to look up to the Ron character but now I find it suspicious how he gets paid a government salary. He also talks a lot of shit for someone who probably files taxes. He's still pretty good though. I wish I could get along with Digit as well as he'll get along with April later in the show. Watching Digit be surrounded by low-quality people in wallstreetbets makes it unpleasant to watch April be surrounded by satirically low-quality people in the show. Didn't properly enjoy the ironic comedy of seeing her get called a "dumbass" for hacking a Scrabble account with really good plays. Seeing the people April as a character will surround herself with makes me glad Aubrey Plaza in real life married a really smart writer instead. I hope she and Digit can both still enjoy being around the best people despite the trauma of their losses. I hope even after the despair of the ending, Jeff Baena was still worth picking over any funny idiot. -------- Speaking of funny people, I also watched Funny People I was going to watch Joshy next, because Jeff Baena and Aubrey Plaza working together seemed like a recipe for good movies, but I found out Joshy is about the aftermath of a woman committing suicide with the same name as my first girlfriend, adding to all the other shit that would make another movie about suicide painful to watch right now. So Aubrey Plaza's next movie was Funny People, but then I found out that was about a guy fighting cancer, and I was also terrified Digit might have secretly not beaten her cancer so I just didn't watch anything for a little while. Then I got some evidence Digit is hopefully alive and I felt hopeful enough to watch this movie. I started enjoying the movie more when Aubrey Plaza's character turned out to have a bigger role than just being objectified. I'm glad that seems to be the recurring thing with her. I don't care if movies objectify women, I just would find it really uncomfortable if Digit related so much with an actress who takes too many shallow roles, so I'm glad Aubrey Plaza always plays characters with some character. This movie is pretty painful to watch but has a lot of good parts and smart ways of conveying things it's trying to convey. It seems to be a recurring thing that all of these movies are painful to watch. That's partly me finding everything painful all the time, but it's also definitely partly a pattern in the movies and their topics aside from me. Norm MacDonald showing up made the movie a lot better. But the reminder of how he hid being sick also reminds me of how terrified I am Digit could be hiding from me because she's sick. Please can she be safe. I hope Aubrey Plaza isn't secretly sick either, that's another scary thought. The part with the iTunes playlist reminds me of my haphazard attempts to do anything music related for Digit. I don't know if she ever heard the mixtape I made for her. It was probably a waste of time that she would have hated. That was the most painful scene to watch. Aubrey Plaza has a story she's told in a few interviews, like this one with Conan O'Brien, about knowing Joe Biden before his Presidency. It seems like she feels validated by being high enough in the societal hierarchy to be forming a connection with a future Vice President. She wrote an open letter about this shortly before the loss of Jeff Baena (published later) as Biden was set to leave office. An excerpt: "We got a tour of the vice president’s office and I found a note on Joe’s desk that had my name on it and some facts about where we had met in Delaware. I felt so special that he remembered we had a history. In true April Ludgate style, I pocketed the note." This helps me understand her political views, which I usually don't mention in these posts because Digit might agree with Aubrey Plaza's politics more than I do, so I just want to learn and understand without commenting too much. She doesn't talk with such excitement about the time she met Donald Trump long ago, but that was in a costume at an event, not actually socializing. She had a follow-up interview with Conan where she talked about being more famous than Joe Biden, before he became President. Another level in the societal hierarchy. Awkwardly segueing: Sarah Silverman tells a joke in this movie, about meeting another Presidential candidate before his Presidency. I met Sarah Silverman once as a kid. She was really nice. I met Conan O'Brien the same night, who Aubrey Plaza was an NBC page for or something, and then had her first TV role playing herself in that 30 Rock episode about his show. He used self deprecating humor in the few minutes I talked to him, so that's probably his real personality. I don't think any other famous people I've talked to had anything to do with this movie. It's memorable to have met these people because they're celebrities, but celebrities also tend to have unusual charisma that would make them memorable without the celebrity status if you got to know them for longer than these quick meetings. Digit has that same unusual charisma, she's different from everyone else and it's noticeable, but she's not famous. It's weird to think about how people probably meet Digit without knowing who she is or feeling like it's a big deal, and I'd do anything to talk to her but I don't know if I'll ever get to again, and meanwhile I'm watching a movie about people who obsess over opportunities to meet celebrities, where I'm trying to learn about the filmography of a celebrity Digit likes but I'm partly subconsciously motivated by hoping it somehow helps get Digit to talk to me, or maybe it even gets Aubrey Plaza to learn Digit exists. But I'm sure Digit could get Aubrey Plaza to talk to her if she wanted, and I don't know if I can get Digit to talk to me. Society is weird. Human life in this era is weird. I wonder if Aubrey Plaza ever really did care about the societal hierarchy, or she was just trying to be relatable by acting like it when telling the story. I wonder if she cares about that stuff anymore after losing Jeff Baena. If social hierarchy stuff gives people comfort facing that kind of grief, I hope Digit gets plenty of stuff like that too. It was interesting to see Adam Sandler's character George get another chance with the woman he loved based on his cancer in the movie. I used to wonder if my first girlfriend would find out about it or talk to me if I got cancer. These days I wonder if Digit would. It was surprising that Laura loved George enough to forgive him when she thought he pretended to be sick to get her to talk to him. I would forgive it too but most people from wallstreetbets don't even forgive Digit for allegedly faking it. I had an ex I still think about sometimes, who faked cancer to try to prove she was a bad person I shouldn't love, because she was tired of pretending to love me to help me deal with my suicidal feelings at the time. It didn't work, I was used to partners traumatizing me with fake near death experiences ever since my first girlfriend, so even after finding out she was faking it, I kept loving her without any slight interruption and she had to spin it as a test that I passed by continuing to love her, and then she had to try to think of some other way to break up with me and make me move on. I ended up suicidal for a long time after she left. Digit fixed that. I guess a big part of how Digit helped is she made me realize how lucky I am to be traumatized by shit as soft as a partner faking cancer instead of actually dying. It makes me so angry to see people be angry at her, about something they have no proof of, that doesn't even really matter, while I just need proof she's alive. This is another movie that involves Jewish identity stuff that I don't know enough about Judaism to comment on. I expected it based on the title and cast, and I think I ended up missing out on important layers of meaning, but the overall story didn't seem to rely on understanding the religious layers. I'm not focused on analyzing the religious components in any of these movies because one of the few things I know about Digit is she's not religious, so if Aubrey Plaza is very religious, that would probably not be one of the things Digit would find relatable. I will comment on the theme of "we are funny because it's a coping mechanism for our pain" - I don't really mesh with that view. Some people use their pain for comedy, but that's not the default. I'm pretty sure I was more funny when I wasn't so scared and angry all the time. As far as the stereotype of Jewish people being funny, I do notice Australians are also stereotypically funny so the Australian guy as a rival is maybe a subtextual joke? Anyway, he's a great character. I'm learning not to envy Aubrey Plaza and Jeff Baena for getting more time together than I've gotten with Digit. I still have a chance at more time with Digit and I still have nothing stopping me from just dying if she's gone because I'm really good at making people hate me. Aubrey Plaza's comfy position in the social hierarchy could be turned into a trap. Same for Digit, just from a different position. That's terrifying. I hope they live because someone makes life bearable for them, just like Digit did for me, not because they're trapped. I should offer sympathy instead of envy. That's what's setting in for me, but it's hard to fully process. I just want more time with Digit and I'm probably not really wired to understand or care about others beyond what's demanded of me. Like, in my last post I was talking about how there are still too many moments where I'm distracted from suffering about Digit.

I replied 30 days ago but try me again, I think maybe I have the self control to reply without stooping to your level right now

I finally watched Joshy about a week ago. I also binge-watched Parks and Recreation seasons 2 through 4 this month, but I was sick for a lot of that, so I wasn't taking notes like I usually do. By the time I could collect my thoughts enough to make this post, Aubrey Plaza also made her first public appearances since the loss of her husband. I saw an article saying her outfit on her SNL appearance was a reference to her and Jeff Baena getting married in tie-dye outfits. Very interesting choice, almost scarily devoted to Jeff Baena, which I really appreciate as a scarily devoted person. On the other hand, she was also spotted walking her dog without her wedding ring on, but I've never worn one so I'm not gonna read into that paparazzi moment. Again, this was on Saturday Night Live, and as far as I can tell it was a brief appearance to just introduce Brittany Howard and Miley Cyrus (who I love a lot) performing a song called "nothing compares 2 u" It took me so long to make this post because the notes I wrote, watching the show and movie, contained probably around 50 pages of shit about my own issues, that I had to delete bit by bit. These posts keep getting sidetracked by my thoughts being mostly about my personal issues, but it's worse than usual this time. It's only today, the same day I'm posting this, that I've been able to collect my thoughts enough to remember the point of posting all this: just in case Digit ever wants to read it all, which I guess she won't, but I wish I could read all her thoughts, and watching all this stuff to speculate on what she would think is basically a way to express how aimless life feels without hearing her thoughts. So it doesn't really matter what I post here as long as I still wish Digit would post more. Anyway, Joshy: Aubrey Plaza played a slight villain really well here, but it wasn't her best character or her best collaboration with Jeff Baena from the small portion I've seen so far. She also didn't have a ton of screen time. Jeff Baena's movies always have good soundtracks. These two's movies keep involving cocaine. At least weed is also represented fairly enough. Jeff Baena as a writer is unfathomably good at making dialogue feel real. Everyone in Joshy seems so authentic. It takes a deep level of real-world understanding to write like this. That's key for writers in general, but Jeff Baena's work stands out. He had to know a lot about humans, and he had to be smart enough to sort truth from lies every day to know so much about humans. It's really cool to see such a person's writing, but also scary in context. Suicide often seems to strike with people the world would be so better off keeping alive. It seems hard for Joshy to say Rachel's name after the loss. Maybe that's why I don't know the name of Digit's boyfriend she lost. I always thought it was just because she didn't want to share info that could narrow down her identity. Maybe that was still correct. I don't know. The guy talking about time travel and aliens is me. I recognize the voice and mannerisms of the Jodie character and I wish I knew where from. It made the "I know you" line hit hard. But that's more like how I feel about Digit, while Digit insists I don't know her, which is very mysterious and spooky. She's good at making me want to listen to her talk forever. I wish she would talk to me. She shouldn't though, I suck. Sorry, let me get back on topic. I obviously wasn't going to be able to properly enjoy this movie based on the subject matter. I was really happy to have evidence Digit is alive while watching it, which it reinforced. It reminded me to be happy about everyone I love not being gone, and sorry for Digit and Aubrey Plaza over their losses. I don't have much more to say about it. I'm glad the Rachel character didn't remind me of my first girlfriend beyond the name similarity and the topic of suicidal behavior. I'll probably enjoy the next movie in Jeff Baena's filmography more. Parks and Recreation seasons 2/3/4: April being the only one that cares enough to notice Ron's hernia reminds me of Digit. Andy living in the hole is literally me, except he's relatively hygienic and attractive. Ron is a good man. He was the one that told Tom not to eat the pepper even though Tom shot him in the head. When I only caught occasional episodes of this show at a younger age, before meeting Digit and watching it chronologically, April's character being so cool used to make me envious of Andy getting to date her and Ron getting to be her friend. The episode where Andy and April have fun stealing money from a bar really reminded me of those old feelings, it must be one of the episodes I saw back then. I remember when I was younger, any time this show was on, I wanted to see myself in Ron Swanson, but couldn't, because he was friends with April and I couldn't see anyone like her ever treating me like that. Digit being my friend and being the coolest person ever, and using reaction gifs of April so she'd remind me of her, and recommending Parks and Recreation as a thing to watch, all lead to me being able to enjoy the really great character development that happens after season 1 of this show, without it constantly reminding me to hate myself. It's still kinda painful to watch because I miss Digit, but I don't care if a fictional character would be friends with me anymore, since Digit was once in real life. April's favorite band is a band I'm pretty sure Digit also likes at least one song from, Neutral Milk Hotel. I have to double-check my list. Digit always has some musical taste in common with everyone though. Digit's music library is really excellent. April is so impressed with Andy's willingness to do everything she hates doing for a month. The election arc in season 4 is probably the best live-action TV writing I've ever seen, up there with my favorite animated stuff like Archer Vice and Trigun. There was this unimaginable blend of realism and absurdity that's only hinted at in other political satire. I also found it fascinating how omitting the existence of political parties did nothing to change the realistic feeling. Leslie Knope is awesome. Oddly, I was trying to pay attention in re-watching to see when she stops being a female Michael Scott, and I'm still not sure exactly where. The change starts in season 1, but I don't know where it finished. Maybe too gradual, or maybe I just couldn't pay enough attention while I was sick. She's so old-fashioned. It's kinda like her childhood schools and neighborhood and family were in a timelooped 1950s part of Pawnee. I'm old-fashioned in many ways, but she's not even showing the psychological effects of living in the information age, being bombarded with knowledge of manmade horrors beyond her comprehension, the way recent generations are. Knope is such a wonderful character. She's also extremely hot. Amy Poehler is really talented. It means a lot to me that she used one episode to post a nude (painting, but still). This is one of those personal side tangents I had to delete paragraphs about. Chris becomes a possible favorite character in the trial of Leslie Knope because he once again intimidates someone everyone else is intimidated by, and then he tells Knope to read a page of a transcript from Ben's meeting to learn more about how much Ben loves her. I feel like everyone around Digit in the wallstreetbets chat when she was there tried to stop her from reading anything about how much I loved her, instead. You can see what I mean about how it's hard to collect my thoughts and try to stick halfway to the topic. I would have been totally unable to continue with this post if it weren't for the recent evidence of Digit's safety. Hopefully my next post in this thread will not be so delayed.

When I talked about how it used to be hard to enjoy shows like this, part of that feeling was thinking women I know in real life will never treat me the same as ones that know me online. So my first girlfriend impacted this in a way Digit didn't, by actually meeting me in person, but she didn't see me the same after that so it didn't really help until later when I stopped caring if women treat me the same online as irl. Digit was vital to changing that because being friends with her online was so great it made it impossible to judge her for any differences there would be in real life.

Still bad wording. Online is real life. I meant online vs afk, not online vs real life.