I guess it's stupid to wish I got time to discuss these topics in particular or "permission to move on" - it's more like pressure than permission, because if she's gone, moving on would kinda be worse than a life of revenge. The real issue is that I didn't have more time with her in general. I guess promising your partner you'll move on if they die is sometimes actually a price you have to pay for time with someone and maybe Digit didn't give me more time because I wouldn't pay that price. I guess watching this movie helped me write out these thoughts and realize what didn't make sense about them.