Proposing to your man... Yay or nay
#asknostr
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Replies (54)
Yay, it's 2026. Commitment is something women generally want more than men, it makes sense then for them to be the ones to ask for it. Especially when you look at divorce rates and risks for men.
i'm in for lady leading everything up to that point, but i enjoyed being wildly surprised. so. guess i would say no.
Cringe.
me too. in fact, i'm for the lady leading after that point as well. and that's why i lean toward it being the man who should ask for Her hand—so She can choose. :3
actually, i'd say this is why it is *more* important for men to ask.
Yay.
If he wants to marry you, he probably knows it after the first date, but modern men feel no rush, so they drag it out for years or even decades.
He knew, twenty years ago, that he was never going to marry you, but you never asked.
Hello, man here.
No.
Spotted the man wasting his time on women with no options.
It's funny that you immediately go to insulting women.
What does that say about you?
personally, i wouldn't say after the first date—logically. maybe there was a gut feeling, but i couldn't honestly say now without there being a bit of romanticism in there (as i'm prone to do lol)
but really, for me, i knew-knew after around one-year. every moment i waited after that burned me on the inside. if She had asked me, the only option would have been seppuku. :3
also man here
yes. :3
That I think some women aren't worth marrying and men agree because they aren't marrying them.
You say some stuff that I really agree with. But I really don't think you have any idea what you're talking about with relationships.
I'm not sure if you are talking about people forty years ago or a race of people that I don't belong to and can't identify with. But none of this jives with reality.
In fact I would go so far as to say that it's a complete inversion of reality.
You seem unfamiliar with the concept of hypergamy?
to be fair, i don't think a lot of men are worth marrying and men agree because they aren't asking. :P
Well, that, too.
Of course, I am familiar with it, but most marriages are now assortative (homogamous), not hypergamous.
And the bottom third of both sides probably never marries, tendency rising.
Define homogamous as it pertains to contemporary society and dating/marriages.
Also isn't the divorce rate still teetering around 50%? How does that fit in with your "most marriages" theory?
Again. I don't see anything you're saying living within reality.
Women barely acknowledge the existence of men below a 6 in reality.
Maybe we should ask Norah Vincent about this subject matter?
Norah Vincent - Wikipedia
you mean Women you "rank" as attractive don't acknowledge the existence of men below a "6," whatever that means.
meanwhile, women below a certain "rank" or attractiveness are also nonexistent in the eyes of most men.
it goes both ways and it's a silly talking point.
Most first marriages don't end in divorce. The divorce rate compares divorces and marriages within a year, which includes happy newlyweds and old geezers with their 4th trophy wife. Also skewed by generational size.
*your* reality.
charts, graphs, and stats don't define all of reality. :3
I used to debate the manosphere guys, years ago, and they all agreed that I'm a solid 3: black, fat, pointy elbows, would not bang.
I must be in the negative range, by now. LOL
nah, you're gorgeous
i think most of those guys are closeted and angry about it :P
Hubby says, nay. 😂
Define homogamous as it pertains to contemporary society and dating/marriages.
Do you think pretending to not understand things is a good way of arguing?
Do you enjoy putting words in other people's mouths because you don't have a legitimate argument?
More yapping zero substance.
Most modern dating has nothing to do with marriage. You have to look at marriages that actually come into existence, to find out what people are looking for in a spouse.
Are you 15 years old? 😂
AFTER the first date? You mean you didn't show up to church on your first date 30 minutes after meeting in person for the first time, only to have mass relocated to the basement "Cana Chapel" because of a schedule conflict with a wedding?
Define homogamous as it pertains to contemporary society and dating/marriages.
Why won't you do that? Why're you skirting around the subject now?
Yes. I probably shouldn't be on the internet.
We held out on getting married for a year and a week, because there are procedures.
We actually picked out the children's names on the second date. 😂 Those are really their names, now.
Oh that's good. We didn't even make anything official till like the 5th date. But the first 4 were back to back since I had to travel a long way.
But basically when we officially started dating we were already talking engagement. She just wanted to be surprised, but she is very observent and was skeptical that I could pull it off. Challenge accepted and mission accomplished! And not in the George Bush manner.
How do your children feel about a couple of kids sitting down and plotting their existence?
awwwww
cute :3
standard procedure :3
Also why? Why would modern dating not have "anything to do with" marriage?
What conclusions have you come to on that front?
You and me both
Same.
He asked me what my dreams and plans for my life were, on the first date, and I said, "I want to get married and have kids," and later he asked if I had plans for Sunday, and I said, "Going to church," and that was basically a wrap.
We were engaged 2 months in, but the wedding wasn't until about 10 months, later, so that my American relatives could arrange to attend.
I also got a romantic proposal, with a diamond ring, but it was already completely obvious where this was headed, by the appetizer. 😂
I find it sort of shocking how some women will just sort of hang around some guy's bedroom, for years and years, and have no idea, if he wants to marry them. I'm like, well, did you ever ask him? No, the topic never came up.
What in the world do these people talk about? 🤷🏻♀️
My husband actually called their names out and waved at the camera, on our wedding video, and you can hear me in the background, "You are going to feel very silly, later, if we get a bunch of boys." 😂
Lol. Yeah a few months in to dating my wife demanded a timeline. I was like sheesh, I had to move 600 miles, find an apartment and a new job, and you wanted to be surprised by a guy who refuses to tell lies, I'm working it as fast as I can!
But it was actually very nice even though I was secretly already making plans. Knowing that she would say yes whatever happened made it all very unstressful and easy. She didn't want to get engaged, she didn't want to get married, she wanted to be married. World of difference.
That is awesome!! I am a big fan of that kind of time bending thinking.
Yeah, he was like, ugh, you're being so unromantic. Like you've got a project plan, rather than a relationship. Milestone "romantic marriage proposal" planned for...
At least, you know, try to look surprised or something. 😂
lol
i think it's kind of romantic
nothing hotter than a woman with a plan :3
imo, one secret to a good relationship is a woman who can express what she wants and a man who can make it happen
You just have to move faster than expected. I told my wife many true things that happened to be misleading.
"You think it would be fun to at least visit a jewelry shop just to look? Fine pick the closest one and we'll just go now."
Little knowing that the closest one happened to be the one I'd already selected based on their custom design work and I needed to get her sized and see her reaction to a few style options in case I needed to tweak my drawings.
It was a little family owned place and she loved it, so she was begrudgingly ok with their lead times again not knowing that I'd been in discussions to get it done before they closed for the holidays.
Nor did she know that I'd already taken a trip to her parents to ask for her hand.
But the real trick up my sleave was tricking her into planning her own engagement date. I don't remember how exactly I did it. But I got her to pick the restraunt I intended on the date I planned. Feast of the Holy Family. I needed a restraunt that would take us past Holy Family parish (ours).
I even bought her a little friendly bouquet so should wouldn't smell the roses in the trunk.
Yeah, mine did stuff like that, too. 😁 Front-ran me on everything.
I had tickets to visit my parents and I told him I wasn't ready to take him to meet them. He was like, Oh, okay. No problem. Which flight is it? Did you get good seats?
And then he went home and booked the seat next to mine and came back the next evening all
Luckily I was already well acquqinted with her parents. They lived an hour away so we were out there often in the few months since I moved to MN. I just had to sneak out for an evening without my wife suspecting since I visited her everyday after work. Luckily she occasionally had to work evenings.
My poor mother-in-law had it the worst. She was terrified that she would be the one to spill the beans and ruin the whole thing.