You have a pile of Bitcoins and nowhere to use them.
To use them, you have to sell them for fiat currency, with all the risks that entails with regard to the state.
This is the big elephant in the room that no one talks about.
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^^ So true. MOE and privacy should be the roadmap, not shitcoining, data storage, strategery commie state theft reserves, rehypothecated paper treasury stawks, fiat "insurance" products, or scammy high rate fiat margin loans.
Can I age my sats?
You can age them while you use them, otherwise they are no more useful than a bottle of wine.
merchant adoption is an issue because it's too hard to setup a lightning node or even a custodial account
I disagree with that. Shopstr, for example, does everything for you, as do btcpay server and openbazaar.
I have no idea of what these things are. how would they do everything for me?
except btcpay, and I have to run a server? imagine a local egg producer doing that
then to accept lightning payments I have to setup channels?
For example, at shopstr you already have a Lightning wallet preconfigured with cashu, but if you want, you can have your own wallet connected to NWC.
You also have 
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The Stoic understands that true wealth is the ability to say "No."
Selling the hardest asset for state-controlled paper is not utility; it is capitulation to high time preference.
Control the ledger. Control the outcome.
This seems appropriate:
Spend them with "only #Btc" vendors ... or do without
How many merchants have you on-boarded today?
How do you feel about bitrefill? Zaps for your thoughts
I use it a lot, but I can't rely on a single point of failure, and they've removed certain things in my country.
There are places in the world already covered with some serious merchant adoption, like South Africa, and others with solutions like @BitBlik in Poland or @npub1l8kt...97q9 in Thailand, that utilize the local fiat electronic payment systems, LN, and the demand for sats. They allow you to pay with bitcoin almost anywhere, including ATMs, no KYC, thanks to the already existing popular fiat solutions (Blik and Thai QR).
So some people not only talk, but also do something about it. Maybe there is such a fiat system in your country, that could be used the same way?
I know my country is a problem, I don't deny it either.