# About the Submission of Wives to Their Husbands
We are all, in some way or another, in rebellion against God, and then it is not about judging women for their own rebellion but about trying to understand why and how they can change if they want to.
Let us start by saying that submission is something that one does voluntarily and that it couldn't be in any other way because men and women were created equally and our Father has no preference for men over women nor women over men, and since we all have free will, it is up to us whether we submit to someone or not.
Jesus Christ gave us the most astonishing example. When Jesus was twelve, his parents took him to Jerusalem for a holiday. On the way home, they realized he was missing and went back to look for him. After three days of searching, they found Jesus in the Temple sitting with the teachers. Everyone was amazed at how smart he was. Mary was upset and asked, "Why did you do this? We were so worried!" Jesus answered, "Why were you looking for me? Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" Mary didn't understand what he meant. Jesus went back home with them and obeyed them.
Why would Jesus Christ, God himself, obey Mary and Joseph? Jesus voluntarily obeyed his parents because that's the natural law, God's law, and he doesn't break his own law. Children must obey their parents because nobody will love them and take care of them as their parents do. We all have obeyed our parents even when we weren't able to understand why they asked us to do or not to do something, and that's okay because parents love their children much more than children love their parents. In that sense, the family replicates in this world the same structure where our Father loves us more than we love him. Moreover, just as children somehow know that obeying is the natural thing to do, they don't always want to do it.
Submitting to God, our loving Father who wants the best for all of us and who sent his son to suffer and die for us, should simply be natural, but we fail to do it miserably again and again. The same happens with our sisters. If you met a good man, one that you are in love with, someone who loves you and wanted to marry you and form a family with you and make you happy, shouldn't it be natural to submit to him? I mean, all men know that women have virtues and vices different from theirs and they all know that women have been given what they don't have. However, many women believe they are like men and that men haven't received anything special, so why would a woman submit to her husband? But the reality is that leadership is more natural in men and submission to their husbands is also natural in women. In the same way that wives feel unhappy when their husbands refuse to lead, men feel unhappy when their wives don't follow them.
There is also a lack of trust. What if I submit to my husband and he loses his path? Or he becomes irresponsible or leads the family to ruin? What if he becomes a bad model for my children?
In the same way that you submitted voluntarily because you trusted him, once it is clear that you can no longer trust him anymore, you don't have to submit to him anymore in order to save your household. That's what Abigail's story is about, and God sees it as good, just as he sees your submission to your husband as good when he is a good man.
A husband who loves his wife would naturally pursue her happiness, and a wife who loves her husband would naturally submit to him. But how? Let us start by helping him to develop his role as the authority of the family and as the priest of the family. Let him sit at the head of the table, let him start the prayer, let him have the final decision and support it. Correct him with love when he makes a mistake, hold him when he stumbles, and ask him all what you need to fulfill your role as mather of the family.
Replies (11)
Old - school rocks, even if progressives will say otherwise, because they don't understand that this has nothing to do with a lack of respect or self - esteem.
« But the reality is that leadership is more natural in men and submission to their husbands is also natural in women. » Any source for this statement?
No. I find it self evident.
This was important for me to read as a son and a future husband. Thank you
Usually these kinds of posts are terrible, but this one was well-balanced without straying too far into judgement or worthless advice. I never considered the insight of parents always loving their children more than their kids love them.
Yeah... I prefer to have the leadership role in my own life. Under no circumstances am I going to give that away to another human, male or female. If someone actually wants to do that, to each their own, but being female doesn't make me any less of an autonomous person. My life is mine. Marrying someone with shared values to go through life with doesn't mean we have to do it on unequal footing where the male partner has final say and by default gets the "final decision" in the trials and tribulations of both of our lives for no other reason than being male. As for the argument that maleness is inherently more adept at leadership, great, sure, cool - I'd rather live with my own mistakes than let someone else make my decisions for me.
Submission in marriage goes in both directions, but I wanted to write about the submission of wives because I see women have more doubts regarding this matter. Husbands are supposed to love their wives and sacrifice even their own lives for them if necessary. I am sure there are cowards and others who would say that under no circumstances they would give their lives for their wives, but I think that when the time comes, most men do what they must do. Men are told to love their wives, while wives are told to respect their husbands.
Did you ever get a Zap for this? I sent you one and it doesn't look like it showed up on Nostr...
Yes I did. I received a 100dats zap from you. Thank you.
Perhaps I interpreted your post incorrectly, I was under the impression it was exclusively discussing the biblical reference to women submitting to their husbands, which I dont think includes any mention of husbands submitting to their wives - both directions, as you say? They are to love them, and wives are to give respect.
Respect is entirely different from submission, though - especially over the duration of a marriage. Respect is foundational on both sides to any lasting relationship (and love is not a substitute for it). As far as men laying down their lives, I dont discount the protective role and it's disproportionate effect on men. Women giving up autonomy, though, is a strange concept which I dont think is nearly as natural to women as it is frequently supposed. I think it is a concession, a tolerated trade-off to compensate for bearing the brunt of child rearing and consequently being dependent / at a disadvantage economically for millenia, not some innate desire to let someone else steer your life. Given the options, it seems obviously more appealing to be a genuine partner with someone on reasonably equal footing, at least when it comes to major decisions. Men have different needs than women, and I can understand the disproportionate need for male protectiveness and provider-contributions to be acknowledged and appreciated by the female partner, but lifelong submission, always being the subordinate in your own life by default... that sounds like a deal only a person with their back against a wall would take.
You were right, my post was discussing the biblical reference exclusively. The problem is that inadvertently I removed the context and without context whatever one says is confusing and can be misinterpreted. About the topic of Christian spouses, the Bible starts by saying:
> Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Then everything that comes after must be interpreted with that starting commandment in mind. This commandment is in turn part of a greater context:
> Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Because husband and wife are one, mutual submission is a congruent concept.
However, a husband is not a wife and a wife is not a husband because they are not equal. That is why they have been called to have different "roles" in the family, which means that they have different "rights" and "obligations." (using political jargon here is wrong but it can be useful)
But again, submission is not subjugation. A person with their back against a wall is not free to choose, and therefore it can never be submission but subjugation. Wives are called to submit to their husbands.
The core issue is that Christian marriage is not about autonomy or equality, which would lead to democratic decision-making in the family, seeking agreements and negotiations in the pursuit of equilibrium when not confrontation, tolerating some trade-offs in compensation for other concessions, etc.
Christian marriage is about family and how we orient it to God. We do it by submitting to a hierarchy where children obey parents, both parents are one, mother is the body of the family, father is head, and God is above.
