Don’t try to change people. The best thing you can do is curate your friends, if it’s something you care about. The simple truth is likely that they just wanted to do something else more than see through their plans with you.

Agree with what dans saying here... those friends don't sound very loyal. People change and often change in different directions. Find out where you gravitate your time and effort to. Find other people who do the same. There you can start to build a new circle of friends who share similar interests or values.

Happens throughout life friend circles change… but so do you childhood best friends are best as a child as you grow up you realize why… I wouldn’t think to much about what you did wrong most people today are just lazy an wanna chill at home… IMO

I feel those who cancel like this make too many commitments, and realise later that they can't make it. Then they cancel the ones that are lower priority for them. I respond to this kind of behaviour with tit for tat, my tit being, I keep a mental note of the ones who cancel more, and next time when they make plans, I have alternative options already in mind, which could be something as simple as, cook at home, go for a bike ride, etc.

You bring up some good points and I agree with curating friends but I guess what i'm thinking is this is more of a societal problem - where people don't value friendships like they use too probably due to many reasons like - the system we live in is high time preference - people work too much - social media and netflix while curating friends can help fix this to a degree maybe...... in my experience it seems rather hopeless as people rather relationships that are via text and superficial. maybe because people are mentally drained from their stressful lives? anyhow, i guess maybe what im wondering is - is this common where your at?

You bring up some good points and I agree with curating friends but I guess what i'm thinking is this is more of a societal problem - where people don't value friendships like they use too probably due to many reasons like - the system we live in is high time preference - people work too much - social media and netflix while curating friends can help fix this to a degree maybe...... in my experience it seems rather hopeless as people rather relationships that are via text and superficial. maybe because people are mentally drained from their stressful lives? anyhow, i guess maybe what im wondering is - is this common where your at?

You bring up some good points and I agree with people quite possibly are lazy too. but I guess what i'm thinking is this is more of a societal problem - where people don't value friendships like they use too probably due to many reasons like - the system we live in is high time preference - people work too much - social media and netflix while curating friends can help fix this to a degree maybe...... in my experience it seems rather hopeless as people rather relationships that are via text and superficial. maybe because people are mentally drained from their stressful lives? anyhow, i guess maybe what im wondering is - is this common where your at? #asknostr

You bring up some good points, while I find some joy in the tit for tat method i have 2 issues with it. - i want to be the better person and hold myself to a higher standard - if i did the tit for tat method, we'd actually never get together with anyone likely. - i value my friends and once we are visiting all is good - getting to the visit is the painful frustrating part. but I guess what i'm thinking is this is more of a societal problem - where people don't value friendships like they use too probably due to many reasons like - the system we live in is high time preference - people work too much - social media and netflix while curating friends can help fix this to a degree maybe...... in my experience it seems rather hopeless as people rather relationships that are via text and superficial. maybe because people are mentally drained from their stressful lives? anyhow, i guess maybe what im wondering is - is this common where your at?

I’m very outgoing I can get along with just about anybody but hard to find the time with four kiddos anytime i do get I want to spend with the wife and no one else 😉 it’s hard to maintain friendships people are so stupid as I get older

Fair enough! Your relationship with your children and wife are the most important and spending as much time with your children is going matter the most to you in your later years and wont be something you regret!

Sorry for my delayed response, Nostr isn't addictive, so I only check when I'm free :⁠-⁠P Maybe my "tit for tat" name has too much of a -ve connotation. It can also be +vely reinforcing. E.g. I've a few friends, when they commit, that's written in stone, no matter what weather, they'll show up, barring an emergency. When they can't commit, they are very clear from the start. So for these friends, I'll clear out my day. There's a friend who has a baby, of course sometimes she has to cancel, and I don't count it as a -ve because that's understandable. I agree with the 3 points you made. I'm in Europe, but I'm from Asia. Socialising is very difficult for me here. I feel people back home put in a lot more effort into friendships, than here. I'm not new here, most of the friends I made are from my earlier days when I had the energy to be like home regardless, and it stuck for a small set of people. So maybe my "tit for tat" is a way to not have to put in as much effort, and yet, find a simple to follow habit that helps me socialise in a still pretty foreign culture. So far it has landed me with a handful of nice new friends despite those factors :⁠-⁠)