Thread

Nothing in life comes fully prepared, some lessons can only be taught in the moment. I get it. My mom is 83, lives on her own, and is stubborn as they come. We’re learning as we go.

My dad died unexpectedly a few weeks ago. My mom died six years ago after slowly dying in a nursing home of kidney failure over almost two years. Nothing can prepare you one way or another. It's about having people to support you while you're going through something like this. Your tribe. Lean on them as much as you have to, and be prepared to return the favor whenever someone else needs it.

i think it is one of those things that you definitionally cannot be prepared for. the role reversal and perspective shift is completely undefined in the child's (of any age) mental and emotional structure. but the experience bears a lot of lessons and growth opportunities... the amount of awful that it is is only matched by the degree to which you can appreciate how independent you are and maybe always have been. the buck stops with you for maybe the first time in life. scary but also empowering. speaking from a recent experience. i don't mean to imply this "sovereignty" thing is the only aspect. there is a lot more to it than that, but its what i'm focusing on here.

also: caring for someone who has always cared for you is a big deal. to both of you. especially if you have the kind of parent who always gave a lot unconditionally and expected nothing in return.

I can totally relate. It is something that should be discussed more in general. Its a pretty big responsibility.