You're not making sense You implied no online node is needed for lightning custody This contradicts what I know about lightning so I asked you to clarify and your response doesn't seem to clarify You're saying nobody can take or spend them without stealing your keys, but by my understanding, that must mean those coins are not on the lightning network, because you or someone else would have explained by now in this discussion or the many others I've had about it But by all means, feel free to finally tell me what I'm missing if it exists and you've all just been refusing to say it this whole time

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a payment channel on LN is just a 2 of 2 mainchain multisig. it doesn't go away if the node is onffline. either party can unilaterally close the channel and get their sats back. there are literally hundreds of articles, guides and howtos on LN self custody. if you dont believe it exists, its a You Problem.
I don't get what "either party" means but I definitely don't see how what you're saying would add up to me being able to receive coins at a lightning channel with a node that's not online
Also not getting what you mean by "close the channel and get their sats back" Sounds like a transaction with a fee, but that can't be it because that would mean it's not self custody, as I've been saying
lightning channels are an on-chain transaction shared between two peers. by default both usually have to be online because usually there is a policy to auto-close the channel if the other peer is offline for a substantial amount of time. however, if two nodes decided to allow it, i'm pretty sure it can be done, just that you can't do any transactions without them both being online to share an update to the transaction that changes the balance.