Oh man. Hang in there. You just went through a seriously shocking event. Give yourself a lot of time and space, and let your body process the shock in whatever way it needs to - tears, grief, rest, all of it. That can take time. You just went through something massive. Yes, there is so much to be grateful for - you are alive, your baby is alive, and you have loving strong masculine support by your side, and a little one to be a strong mama bear for, but that does not make the pain, fear, scars or shock any less real. Having a hard time staying positive is completely understandable. I honestly don’t think you should force it. Sometimes the most healing thing is just to be where you are and let your body move through it in its own time. After my surgery and weeks of bed rest, it really hit me that there is almost nothing more humbling than debilitating physical pain. It gave me a whole new level of compassion for people living with chronic pain every day. This may or may not be your thing, but when I was healing and in a really painful place on every level, I found this lecture very comforting. It helped bring me back into connection with my body and the deep knowing that our bodies carry an incredible capacity to heal: