Years ago, when my ex and I were discussing some things after we broke up, he said to me, “I’m sorry I have been critical of your emotions. I realized that it was uncomfortable for me to see you in your emotions and pain so I tried to make you wrong for it so I didn’t have to feel my own shit.”
Me being “fragile” was a consistent pattern in our relationship. Now, I am so clear that that was a reflection of my own beliefs playing out in him. But hearing him say that really clicked something in.
When you start to see the bigger picture of what is playing out, it begins to shift the whole dance.
Because when we don’t have language for what is happening, it’s very difficult to have a relationship to it.
Having language for a sensational experience and relational dynamic creates an opportunity to separate ourselves from it.
And with that, (combined with deeper capacity work) comes agency.
I see so many couples where there is this gap where they cannot meet each other. Like a black foggy hole between them they keep circling but cannot meet in.
One of my gifts is that I can see the meeting point. The very spot of truth that, if acknowledged, would create more energy and movement between them.
I used to see this with my parents and it would frustrate the shit out of me. Many times I would inappropriately jump in to translate for them in order to soothe my own sensation. But now, I use this gift to illuminate things for men and women so they can see and feel the dynamic that is operating more clearly.
One of the things I am doing with this REUNION series, is giving language and a practice field for specific relational areas that often give us challenges. Not so things can be fixed, but so you can have more literacy of what’s happening and therefore the ability to relate to it differently.
Witnessing is one of those areas I see an opportunity for. It has the power to really transform connection and the individuals involved.
To witness is to take your hand off the wheel of control.
It is to stay on your mark and let someone fully be as they are.
It is to trust.
Next week’s workshop is going to go deep into Witnessing, for both men and women. I’m opening it up as a standalone workshop.
If this is resonating with you, and you want a frame for you and your man or woman to work with in those stickier spots, I’d love to have you both there.
It’s on Tuesday November 25th at 3pm EST.
$99 per person and there is a recording.
DM me for the link.
Singles are welcome as well of course.
