you get them if/when a miner mines them
but (1) you *didn't* propagate them to miners (2) you *did* reduce that miner's block propagation speed
those are two benefits you lose by opting for Bitcoin Core's mempool software
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I agree with you two points above. But, unfortunately, it's is those miners with stricter filters who are disadvantaged by reduced block propagation speed 😓
Then why set the filter to 100k by default? Why filter at all? Why not permit up to 500MB or even no limit at all?
Because the block size. We don't want large blocks, that was a debate a long time ago, and we agreed that large blocks have more downsides than small blocks.