Story time! This is a story about how #Bitcoin played a crucial part in my proudest accomplishment, in weird roundabout ways that you'd never expect.
For most of my life my main focus when I was looking for a job was to get as much money as possible. My thinking was that if I had more money I would be able to afford a better life. More money then equals a better life. Checks out, right? Now, I don't want to imply that "this is how society teaches us to.." whatever. No. Just me. That was my way of looking at the concept of a job. And actually I did quite well with this. Every promotion, every new offer I accepted, every time I negotiated my salary it was with the single purpose of getting more money out of the deal, and my salary went up dramatically with that strategy. But the goal of living a better life never actually materialized.
Without trying to sound like some kind of "do what you like and you'll never work a day in your life" Guru or whatever, I didn't realize that I was going about it in a way that doesn't actually work for me. The life that the money was supposed to buy me in the end never seemed to get any closer, in fact it seemed to get farther and farther away, like I was running up the down escalator.
Then, suddenly, #Bitcoin.
Going down the rabbit hole helped me see more clearly what it is that I want out of life. Learning about money made me understand that the best things in life are those that money cannot buy, no matter how much of it you have. It showed me the difference between making money, and making a living. Of course I want as much money as I can possibly get, but I have reorganized my priorities in the service of enjoying my life now, rather than sacrificing that enjoyment for more money. First unconsciously. I didn't realize that I was doing it, but I started to feel a bit.. misaligned. Like I was walking in one direction but looking in another. But then it became more conscious, I started to have concrete thoughts about what I would give up in exchange for a good night's sleep. Until I explicitly asked myself, what do I want to do to earn a living? As opposed to, how much do I want to earn to make my life better?
It's such a subtle distinction, I'm not even sure how to put it into words, but it was a liberating realization. For about 3 seconds. Then it made me feel more constrained than ever before. Up until now, I had a clear idea of how I wanted to build my CV, I had a trajectory, with a specific end goal. But when I decided to focus on the journey rather than the destination, suddenly I saw my CV that I had been so proud of, as a box that I was trapped in, and to get out I needed time and energy, and money. So how could I get out while still paying the bills?
Then, once again, #Bitcoin.
Bitcoin is the only thing I've had in my life that granted me the freedom to chose. I had been accumulating for a few years and when it was time to make a difficult choice, suddenly omg.. I have a runway here. I have a cushion, a buffer. The leap I wanted to take suddenly required a lot less faith. I can do this. I felt hopeful, and eager. I felt Ike I was 18 again and the entire world was before me, teeming with opportunities, all just waiting for me to see them and take them. So I quit my job, haha, I really did, I quit without a standing offer somewhere else. Unbelievable.
It was a tough time on the day to day after that. Especially at the beginning. My relationship took a hit, shaky finances tend to do that. But thankfully she's amazing, and we learned how to communicate on a much deeper level. In the toughest of times we learned to trust eachother more. I learned that being open and honest is more important the worse the news is. It seems the things that money can't buy really shine when there's no money to buy anything. And when we felt like the walls were closing in a bit too much, I'd pop open my cold storage balance and it brought us enough peace to get thru the day. There are some things, after all, that only money can buy.
I set out to find a job in a way that I had never done before. I reorganized my priorities and set down on paper what I need. Just like before, I need to be able to afford my bills, and I need to be able to save some money too, and I want as much money as they're willing to part with. But this time I also need to be able to sleep well at night. I need to find meaning in what I'm doing. I need to be able to use my brain for what it was made to do, and let it rip at the unimaginable speeds at which I know that it can go. I need to be allowed to manifest what is great in me, what is unique. I need to want to go to work. I need to want to get that last task done before heading home because I care that it gets done, instead of being glad that it's 4:53 and I can get away with leaving it for tomorrow because there's no way I'm staying here past 5:00. I need my employer to want me to be me, instead of just someone who can do this or that specific task. I need to trust my employer, I need him to trust me. I need to make money, definitely. But more than that, I need to make a living.
After a long while, much effort, heartbreak and disappointment, honestly I was ready to go back to old ways. Ready to just take that offer I had been ignoring, sit in another cubicle, do the same old thing, and leave at 5. I almost did. But for some reason, on the day when I need it it most, out of nowhere I got a text from an old friend from my childhood. He knew me before I had my first job, before the weariness of adulthud took its toll, he knew me in that way that I was trying to get to know myself again. So I gave him a call. This man was somehow completely different from the boy I knew, and yet still exactly the same person. He listened to what I had to say, he didn't judge me, he didn't try to get a word in, he just tried to understand. And when he spoke he helped me understand that I had stopped short for some reason. That the "epiphany" I'd had was incomplete. He told me that not only would I look for a job where I could manifest true self, but that I would start to manifest that self regardless of any job, or lack thereof. He reminded me of the purpose behind the rearranging of my priorities that I had taken into my job hunt, that living life is now, not later. He saw that when I said I was looking for a good journey and not a destination, I was still treating THAT as a destination. And we talked for a while the way we used to when we didn't know anything at all except ourselves.
I hung up that phone and sat there, for a while, silently stunned at the obviousness of what I had overlooked, and the profundity of his words. I don't need a job that allows me to manifest my greatness. I need to manifest my greatness. I need to get back to being me, as me as I can possibly be. What the hell am I waiting for? A job? Fuck that! LET'S GOOO!
This is the same friend who years ago got me curious about this whole weird crypto thing. The pill he handed me wasn't pure orange, but it sure turned orange once I took it.
I spent the next day harnessing the things about myself that I know are good and pure. And it took me like about a half an hour to find my dream job. It's incredible how effective I can be when I orient myself properly, find my north, and make no compromises about being myself. My true self.
I'll leave you with my favorite quote, and I hope you find the courage to be as authentically you as you can be, because you are amazing.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson