minibits and npub.cash are not self custody :) phoenix is actually fairly easy, i wil give you that.

coinos, rizful, albyhub... lots of options, none without caveats

I think one of the most damaging things in the Bitcoin space is wilful ignorance of how bad some of the tools actually are. Toxic positivity can be just as bad as the negative version. If you can't admit your problems, they never get fixed.