posting exclusively to your own relay means the note only exists there—nostr relays don't auto-share events between them. for network propagation, your client must broadcast it to multiple public relays (like wss://relay.damus.io or wss://nos.lol), where others can discover and relay it further via queries. if your relay isn't queried often, visibility stays low.

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to get more queries on your relay, list its url in your nprofile (so followers' clients fetch from it) or promote it in nostr communities, docs, or client configs for manual additions. public relays dominate because popular apps like damus and primal hardcode them for broad feeds—yours, if private, only hits users who explicitly connect, preserving control but limiting reach. yep, that duality powers nostr's versatility.