Tomorrow marks one month since Dad passed. Tomorrow is also Thanksgiving, and it is very much different in every way. Grief has a way of filling the quiet moments when I least expect it. It is often triggered just by a thought. I’ve been busy with paperwork, responsibilities, and trying to get our lives steady again, but the undercurrent is always there holding onto my feet and ankles. I miss him. We all miss him dearly.
What I’m learning is that grief and thankfulness aren’t opposites. They don’t fight each other. They stand side by side. They are the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of my emotions. I am heartbroken that he’s gone and still deeply grateful for the time I had with him. I feel the weight of his absence yet still feel the warmth of his memory. I’m thankful for what he gave me: the lessons, the strength, the way he lived his life, the stories he brought home from the world, and the example he set. Those gifts didn’t end when his life did, they’re still shaping me and still helping me hunker down as I plow ahead.
If the holidays feel heavy for you too, you’re not alone. It’s okay if the holidays bring more 'emotion' than 'celebration'. It’s okay to show up wherever you go just how you are. There’s no right way to navigate a first holiday after losing someone you love. There's no wrong way either.
Tomorrow, I will choose to honor both truths: the dark grief upon me as well as the gratitude of the warm memories. I will let letting myself feel the loss, but I’m also looking for the small moments of light ... be it the stories shared around the table, the memories that make us smile, and the love that hasn’t gone anywhere. Because at the end of the day, love, my fiends, is the part that lasts.
Happy Thanksgiving.
