I still have to try to explain this shit again because nobody seems to comprehend it at all. The worst case scenario for me is Digit being gone after I've failed to protect her. This is what I panic about constantly. The best case scenario for me would have been that telling me to panic forever was a test where Digit hoped I would prove she's in control and then she'd let me do something other than panic. The next best scenario would have been a test where she hopes I decide to move on, but the results are still accepted even though they aren't what she hoped, and the test still ends after it's clear that I will just panic forever like she suggested I should do. None of those seem to be happening. She seems to be holding steadfast that as long as I stay alive, her directive for me will be to continue to panic and it's not just a test. So the next best scenario for me is still that she is hoping I will prove what I'm capable of, and that's what's best for her. I have to hope she understands how I've turned into a force of harm, and that's what she wants because it's less painful for her than causing so much harm directly by herself, or seeing the world go unpunished for her boyfriend's suicide. I have to hope she is making me feel the closest she can make me feel to how she feels, after selecting me for this task based on how much damage I'm capable of doing with these feelings. But the worst case scenario is her being gone after I've failed to protect her, and one of the ways that could happen is if she's going to end up committing suicide because this is all a test she set up by accident and she can't accept the results of it because she just wanted me to feel exactly like her and handle it as well as she does so she'd be less alone, and instead I'm not capable of what she's capable of, and I can't make her less alone, and I can't stop making everything worse, and she can't change her mind about wanting me to suffer like her even if it keeps going worse than she wanted, and she's still at risk of feeling guilty about it someday after it's too late to change her mind, just like I can't change my mind about continuing to panic as long as she wants me to, even if all it does is make us both lose everything and die hating ourselves. We might just be stuck forever with her hating me too much to change her mind about her and me loving her too much to change my mind about her and neither of us being able to cope with the damage caused by our limitations. I can't convey how terrifying that is. With it becoming difficult to imagine a future where I ever get to escape this panic, it's especially horrifying to imagine her being hurt the whole time by everything happening with me. It's much more comforting to imagine her secretly being alive the whole time enjoying the results of my suffering because she wants to see the damage I can cause and I'm creating the best outcome for her. But that seems farfetched because she seems not evil. So this is just a constant cycle of more and more reason to panic.