DMs are a mess but we don’t have broad support for DMs. We have dedicated apps for messaging. Not sure what’s wrong with relay management? Which client is giving you issues? Relay discovery won’t help because content is not that much different on them. Not sure what you mean by infinite scroll fails? Maybe expand on that? Same with muting? My muting works well? It’s not always cross client compatible but other platforms don’t even have multiple clients.
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We can explain away everything if we try hard enough. That's a general observation, not aimed at you. Yes, we have an embarrassment of riches, but there's still a lot of embarrassment. Too many features no one uses and not enough that just work.
I haven't seen one dedicated DM/messaging app that works with any predictability; total mess. Find a normie or even a long-time nostr user who can explain what they should do with relays. Infinite scroll breaks daily for me in Primal for Android. It just stops. Muting is a mess. Comments about it abound.