What is your main client? Damus?
My diagnosis is Damus is the problem. I don't have this issue at all and I've used everything except an iOS device or Windows.
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I’m guessing other clients use a fallback set of relays then. Damus is pretty strict when it comes to following your relay set. Damus could do this too but it would only hide the problem
Well, there's the problem right there.
Nobody else is having this problem, apart from Damus users.
IMO, the real problem is Nostr has no countermeasures against spam, or relay failure. Damus' strategy is very brittle. Do you think Bitcoin would work if you only had like 10 peers and it didn't run off on its own looking for more?
Correct