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under patriarchy you can either be connected and accommodating—quote-unquote "feminine" or you can be powerful, assertive, and competent—quote-unquote "masculine" but you can't be both at the same time because, under patriarchy, power is power over, not power with.
we're a team. let me tell you what i need. what do you need? let's work together to make this happen. ( that's NEW world ) ( not just for us, but for the whole culture ) i call it standing up for yourself with love.