I recommend you contact your city's free public health services for all your theraputical needs & hope you can find the right doctor to help you.
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I sadly recommend you speed up the process of killing yourself because you don't sound capable of any better than that.
Note that my recommendation, unlike yours, is sincere.
Of course yours is sincere because your so full of hate that my truth has pierced your veil of delusion & pinched a nerve. I know you wish with all your heart I was dead but your just going to have to grow up & tolerate people talking to you. If you can't well don't be here & if being a bubbleboy bothers you so much well cynaide.