I think so

In my experience, yes. Imagine you built a little Lego house when you were 5 years old, and kept adding to it every year. Maybe when you're 20, you start having a system of where you put each block and color. But all the blocks before that will be messy and random colors... without very careful examination and reflection, you probabky don't even know what's going on down there. I think the only way to ensure you know who you really are, is you have to tear it down and start from scratch. Every brick the right color, aligned with the whole. I've had to do this about 3 times in my life, most notably when I left the cult I was raised in. Sucks every time, but now I know exactly who I am, and I am proud to be me.

That's a useful analogy. And it applies to me too. Im happy for you!

No they don’t. It is said by people who found themselves at rock bottom, to feel better and claim the path they took is superior. Hitting rock bottom is one of many paths to know who you are. If it were the only path, parents would find themselves naturally wishing rock bottom for their kids just so their kids could discover themselves. Rather, parents know the best path is to learn from other’s mistakes and be on a path of natural discovery that has reasonable ups and downs.

True. But many parents are conflicted between giving their kids a good life without the hardships that forged their own personalities.

That is a healthy conflict. Kids can have many hardships, even ones that last a long time, and shouldn’t be shielded from natural consequences. My opposition is to the idea that you have to hit rock bottom (which I read as desperation and loss of hope, which might not be what is meant) just to know yourself. I reject formulas that other people impose simply because that is the path that worked for them.

Yeah that's true. Some people have high agency from the outset and simply achieve without some type of trauma