For sure, a contained nostr deployment is a very good idea, like for a company.
Nostr in the wild though is scary, you've probably not ventured far out there yet. You mentioned sending messages. How about *direct* messages? There are like 12 different DM specs on Nostr. You right now have no idea how to DM me. If you send me a NIP-04 DM will it work? Maybe you should try a NIP-17 DM also, just to be safe. Or maybe try me on Keychat? Or maybe MLS on White Noise, I could be on that. Or Maybe double ratchet on IRIS. Try them all and maybe, just maybe, I'll get your DM.
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Yes, the refusal to create a good standard and agree to it, and the number of app developers who insist on an old dysfunctional NIP and the need for backwards compatibility creating massive technical debt.
This needs to be like cryptographic standards. People need to be able to agree that there is a specific way a feature is going to be done on Nostr, and that any clients which refuse to adhere to the standard and come up with a timeline for the phasing out of the support of the old standards need to be delisted from places like nostr.com/net/org/how — this shit is fucking atrocious for new users. 90% of the people I try to get on Nostr get confused and quit. Normal people do not need to be hearing the phrase “NIP” unless it is a slur against the Japanese.
truth be told, I am also unclear if I need to implement anything on my relay to support DMs, my understanding at this point is that I do not.