I was thought that I am in the wrong community, and here I am. Exactly, I am in the wrong community when I interested to know more about #VTuber. I can't compete with them, and I am not suitable for them, since I didn't get what they did. Should I leave the community? No, but I should to stay away from them and their viewers. Like I said, they just see the outside, not the inside. Also, I decided to be dormant there until I found the solution for my brain and I have the safe place that might be those won't see it.

Am I another Lain? Nope, but I'm feeling resembling to Lain. The difference is I don't have too much connection with people outside and when I was know about decentralised social network, I feel what most people don't feel. In front, I feel the freedom. But in back, I feel the loneliness. Those people who have been on Elon's Twitter and seeking for an freedom of speech to speak the truth of themselves, the Nostr and fediverse under ActivityPub is what are they looking for. Might be the Fedi still got the rules, but in Nostr you won't find any kind of rules and it seems good for you as the heaven for your world.

La gente dice que tengo un ego demasiado grande, mientras que yo no siento nada al respecto. Pero a mi modo de ver, no tenía un ego tan grande que la gente pensara en mí. Solo me veían por fuera, pero no veían mi interior.

Mi mundo interior está jodido y no tengo idea de por qué sufro esta condición. Además, estuve desconectado del mundo como 12 horas o más y eso me suena realmente muerto. Realmente me estoy exigiendo demasiado con este tipo de vida.

It's been a while since I am writing on this network. Well, I was watching an series called "SE Lain" and S.W.A.T in season 5. In another hand, it tells about the kid named Lain and she addicted to the network that she is really messed up at the moment, while in another one is season 5 about LAPD SWAT that also an stories between 20 David and the squad that he leads. About SE Lain, it's actually an fictionalized stuff with psychological horror that really messed up both for the main character and for viewers who have an mental health issues. In another point, the TV drama about LAPD SWAT is look like an painkiller for me after watching the stories about Lain's conditions. Well, it really takes an big change into my brain after watching both of them. SE Lain is an painful stories for me, but also S.W.A.T is the painkiller that challenge my brain in many ways.

How long that I didn't write anything here? Sounds like few days I didn't write.

Why there's so much campaign which wants you to leave X? Because they want you to leave X for your own good. If you are understand about black algorithm and you're looking for freedom, these campaigns wants you to move into Bluesky with open algorithm or Fediverse like Mastodon, Misskey, Akkoma, etc which algorithm doesn't exist. I don't care wherever you from, but I care about when you want to move away and give a middle finger to #ElonMusk and his own X. They block your access on X? Doesn't matter. NEVER THINKING ABOUT ENGAGEMENT, BUT THINKING OF GOOD SOCIETY ON THE INTERNET. THE SOCIETY WHERE YOU MAKE A SOCIAL INTERACTION EACH OTHER AND MUCH CARE ABOUT YOU!

Sounds like I have a compilation of disease which makes me goin' to hospital and I'm really tired.

Today I was going to hospital for goin' to neurology polies, and when I tell the doctor that I need action for saving my brain, she's immediately bring me to MRI. But it could be available on next month once I got a new compliance. Older compliance cannot be used.

From now, JKN mobile which companion app for BPJS-KS members cannot make a queues for going to first medical facility. Still happening on backend issues that never gonna fix and only focusing for hospital services. This is fucking annoying. Another backend issues that never fixed before.

My home internet is fucking slow. 10 Mbps for a whole family? Look alike I am going back to dial-up internet era which I have to paid 150k rupiah per month for dial-up internet quality? Fuck.

If I am living without dependencies from my family, might be I am in poverty condition and become homeless. To be honest, I am in poverty condition where I am rarely touching big money and even I am surviving by collecting some points at Microsoft Rewards for food and home needs, and even I am looking free meal with somehow I could do. Looking job as employee? I can't do that since I am disabled mentally and I didn't interested to working at companies. Also, I am socially disconnected with nearest society. People call my real name and I didn't respond.

Well, as BPJS-KS user with third class which funded by local government, I am feeling happy for going to medical facility without spending any money for one-time services. And also, it helps me as disabled people. Tomorrow, I'm going to neurology polies and diagnose my brain. I hope it's helping myself to recover. Well done, Welas Asih hospital.

Yesterday I was at hospital and I got earlier services when goin' to psychiatric. I just spent a time from 6 AM to 11 AM. What a quick services.

I want to use openSUSE again right after I'm buying old computer. And 500k in Rupiah for budget sounds strict to me.

Why some Indonesian people when there's some of them speaking English are trying to troll them or even saying "Sok Inggris lo!"? Because they really don't like when someone is speaking another language rather than Bahasa Indonesia. Obviously, we have a rights for speaking in any language, as long as they use it properly.

For my Nostr friend, I want to add a notes in Latino-america Spanish from now on. But I am also still writing the notes in English. Well, like English is primary language I'm gonna use while Latino-america Spanish as second language. I am not good at Spanish tbh.

For temporary time, I will not using Telegram because I'm still traumatized due to hacked with unknown source. I even didn't expect what's going on. So, I'll be available on XMPP and IRC. For Discord I am still using it, but I am fell burning sensation on my mental when I got so much notification and have no idea which I should stay to. So, to calming down, I decided to use XMPP and Matrix to forgetting my trauma.

This Nostr account are used for me as usual internet citizens, not as VTuber. So, act to me like you're talking with another user.

I have no idea what's going on. Why am I really annoyed by some sensitive news such as conflict in Ukraine that endlessly happened, or even the recent action that U.S. really kidnapping Venezuelan president Nicolas Maduro due to being part of "narcoterorism" that actually made up. And now they worried again about fucking Greenland? Well, Trump also warning the countries like Colombia, Cuba, or even Mexico that could be happening later, depending on the conditions. Well, I am not American but I am really piss off seeing U.S. with another crappy drama that really makes everyone angry. FUCKING JUST CAUSE IS HAPPENING AGAIN, GUYS.