Life.

Control. Sadness at no control. Anger because of sadness because of no control. My mother is so accutely controlled. So utterly numbed out. Every action, careful. Avoidance. On her phone all day long. Me too. I bought pyjamas for the first time. Self love. I'm not strong enough to fight the inner parent. THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES It's me. It's all me. It's been me all along. Notes today. Kids woke up.

Unless you have reached Kenshō, beware of the term "reality". Beware of the term " reached". Beware of their term "Kenshō". None of it comes with reading a book. It must be experienced. This too is just a story. You are already there. Look!

Enlightenment is available to you right now. It's not what you think it is. You should probably look into it. I recommend Angelo, but there are other. He looks pretty normal. He woke up at 24 and spent 15 years just living his life as a doctor before he started teaching. He seems like an ordinary dude. The truth is, he's not there at all.

You know that meme where people are asking desperately for answers to why the world is the way it is, and underneath is written "Bitcoin, you dumb fuck!" Well... God IS creation. God is not words or concepts. God is the experience of the now. Find now, find god.

No need to wear a flowing robe and have a long beard or read books or sit this way or that. There is no church or secret knowledge. When in fear, be in fear without resistance. That's it. No seeking for god or truth. Be still, and god will come to you.

One day I woke up and after a few minutes I realised I hadn't had a thought yet. I looked around. Everything was... Different. I didn't know what was happening but everything around me had changed in quality. It's increadible to realise that even how you see and hear things has a layer of thought on it. When that goes, things get very strange. Some things became entirely self evident on that day: 1. Enlightenment is real 2. God exists here and now, and its nothing you can imagine (FYI I was an atheist) 3. Religions. All of them. Are a scam. All have the kernel of truth. All obfuscated by misinterpretation of the truth of enlightened experience 4. Words are hilariously poor tools to describe anything 5. Love is all pervasive 6. Nothing is happening 7. You don't exist 8. Life can go on quite easily while being enlightened. 9. More people out there are enlightened than you realise. 10. Depth perception goes away when you're enlightened. But also (and this is nuts) things are closer. Like the world turns UHD 11. This is accessible to everyone at all times 12. You have no idea how much energy you waste keeping up your sense of identity. Exactly zero of the above requires drugs to experience.

I had ten followers. Now nine. Someone didn't enjoy my last post. I hope they find out why.

I didn't have a concept of what awakening, or liberation is until I admitted a deep, painful paradox to myself. Then, without effort, I woke up one day and had no concept of what I was experiencing. It was as though I was seeing for the first time, hearing sounds. All sensations were new. There are no words for it. It is real. Holy shit it's real. You don't need knowledge or practices or holy men to tell you what it is. It was grace that brought me to it. Know you are eternal. Know that god is real. Know that belief has nothing to do with it. Once the veil drops, the cosmic joke is revealed. Everything you thought, is a scam. Even what you lought love is. Except #bitcoin of course. Love

Layers and layers of thought. None of it real. Sets and groupings off things. None of them of the other. Not seeing they they are not of the self. Paradox is the end of thought. Intelligence is thought to be the ability to hold the conscious paradoxes in your mind and not go mad. That too is a thought. There is no self. There is no thought.

This is a test. #love #awakening #enlightenment #freedom #buddha #zen #buddhism

Stomach ache. Deep in the gut. Lower back pain. Tightness. Twinges. Twitches and tetchiness. Searing inner rage. Loss of control. In no thought. Sitting in it. Nestling in. Move in mind from feet upwards. Unblock chackras. It works. I don't know what it is. No need to learn it. No paradigms. No dogma. Awakening is now. The veil is nothing.

Back again. Lost my private key, realised I had it on my old phone. Thank god. Back up your keys kids!

Only the ego lives in time. I'm old. I look old. It's too late. Is this all I could achieve? I thought I'd have more by now. I thought I'd have achieved something. I'd thought I'd have more to show. I should have done x a decade ago. I wish I could go back 20 years. I wish I could know I'll be safe. To know how it ends, that it ends in wealth and happiness and statues and songs of praise and the embrace of angel's wings. To know it works out with no pain but with adversity and triumpf but with ease and no effort and guiltless pride. Backwards Forwards None of it real

I need to stay here to be safe. I need to buy this or have that. To feel I exist, I require attention, so I shall have these clothes, that car. Or I am not them. To feel smart and superior I ensure I let myself and others know how much I don't need those things. I rebel to be noticed. Both are traps. Neither are you. If you do not live in a state of deep peace and love, you are, to varying degrees, mentally unwell. A slave to thoughts and emotions that add nothing to life.

There is no try. Noticing is all that is needed to throw off the chains of ego. Embracing the need for the ego to survive, it must do what it is doing. Say what it is saying.

It has returned. An overwhelming sense of peace, love and tranquility. I didn't know for certain it would. Not as strong as last time, but powerful.

Being in the UK exposes just how much I miss British culture. I ache to be home.

Spend more => love more Why do people confuse limited life-force with the infinite? Ego. In desperation to be love, which it can never be, the ego searches for a proxy to love. It will never be enough.

A mother makes her daughter responsible for her feelings of self hatred. Grandmother to mother, mother to daughter. All victims. All aggressors. All hurt and words and discussions and needing to feel understood but talking past each other and never moving forward. So much poison.