The Babylon Bee 6 days ago

Hillary Clinton Says She Only Recalls Meeting Epstein That One Time When She Murdered Him

The Babylon Bee

Hillary Clinton Says She Only Recalls Meeting Epstein That One Time When She Murdered Him

CHAPPAQUA, NY — While being questioned at the Chappaqua Performing Arts Center on Thursday, Hillary Clinton reportedly informed the House Committ...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Republican, Democrat Party Platforms Now Just Lists Of People They Would Arrest

The Babylon Bee

Republican, Democrat Party Platforms Now Just Lists Of People They Would Arrest

U.S. — The political system in the United States took a sharp turn away from addressing practical issues facing the nation, as both the Republica...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Experts Warn Arresting Journalists Could Be Slippery Slope To Arresting Politicians And Other People Who Deserve It

The Babylon Bee

Experts Warn Arresting Journalists Could Be Slippery Slope To Arresting Politicians And Other People Who Deserve It

U.S. — Self-proclaimed journalist Don Lemon was arrested on Friday for allegedly raiding a church service and intimidating its congregation, prom...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Chilling: If They Can Arrest Don Lemon For Something As Simple As Breaking The Law, Imagine What They Can Do To You

The Babylon Bee

Chilling: If They Can Arrest Don Lemon For Something As Simple As Breaking The Law, Imagine What They Can Do To You

America woke up this morning to the chilling news that journalist Don Lemon had been arrested by the Department of Justice, sending a terrifying me...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Pam Bondi Promises To Prosecute Minnesota Rioters As Soon As She Finishes Releasing All Those Epstein Files

The Babylon Bee

Pam Bondi Promises To Prosecute Minnesota Rioters As Soon As She Finishes Releasing All Those Epstein Files

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the American public demanding action be taken by the government in response to aggressive and violent leftist protests ac...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

With Maduro In Custody, Here Are 7 Other People Trump Should Arrest Immediately

The Babylon Bee

With Maduro In Custody, Here Are 7 Other People Trump Should Arrest Immediately

President Donald Trump ordered the arrest of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, toppling a brutal totalitarian regime. But he's only gettin...

The Babylon Bee 2 months ago

New Photos Reveal Epstein Had A Sick Fetish For Girls With Giant Black Squares For Heads

The Babylon Bee

New Photos Reveal Epstein Had A Sick Fetish For Girls With Giant Black Squares For Heads

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the latest batch of Epstein files was released by the Department of Justice, it has become evident to everyone that Jeff...

The Babylon Bee 2 months ago

To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah

The Babylon Bee

To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah

MELBOURNE — To stem the growing tide of violence against Jewish citizens, the Australian government has moved to officially ban the celebration o...

The Babylon Bee 2 months ago

Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again

The Babylon Bee

Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts unveiled a new trick play where quarterback Philip Rivers fakes a handoff, then jogs off the field to g...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

Troubling New Survey Shows 90 Percent Of Graduating High School Seniors Don't Know The Airspeed Velocity Of An Unladen Swallow

The Babylon Bee

Troubling New Survey Shows 90 Percent Of Graduating High School Seniors Don't Know The Airspeed Velocity Of An Unladen Swallow

PALO ALTO, CA — A startling new study out of Stanford University shows almost all graduating high school seniors in the U.S. are unable to recall...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse

NEW YORK, NY — In a celebratory speech following his historic win in New York City's mayoral election, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani promised r...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Mamdani Announces Plan To Blame Racism After His Policies Fail

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Announces Plan To Blame Racism After His Policies Fail

NEW YORK, NY — As residents of the Big Apple made their way to the polls today, New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani preemptively annou...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Trump Asks Elon If He Can Come Up With A Way To Supply 1.21 Gigawatts Of Power To A DeLorean

The Babylon Bee

Trump Asks Elon If He Can Come Up With A Way To Supply 1.21 Gigawatts Of Power To A DeLorean

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Donald Trump broached the subject of scientific collaboration this week with Tesla Founder and...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Government Shutdown: Pros And Cons

The Babylon Bee

Government Shutdown: Pros And Cons

As the government shutdown continued into its fourth week, Americans from all parts of the country reported experiencing a wide range of feelings a...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Greta Thunberg Reports Flotilla Struck By Jewish Space Laser

The Babylon Bee

Greta Thunberg Reports Flotilla Struck By Jewish Space Laser

MEDITERRANEAN SEA — The international community is calling for investigations after Greta Thunberg reported that her humanitarian flotilla had su...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

7 Radical Ideas To Make Our Cities Safer

The Babylon Bee

7 Radical Ideas To Make Our Cities Safer

With violent crime continuing to plague American cities, the time has come for truly radical measures. Here are seven ideas for extreme changes to ...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Tough-On-Crime Democrats Propose ‘100 Strikes And You’re Out’ Law

The Babylon Bee

Tough-On-Crime Democrats Propose ‘100 Strikes And You’re Out’ Law

U.S. — Facing heavy criticism for going easy on violent criminals, a group of Democrats sought to prove that they are tough on crime by proposing...

The Babylon Bee 6 months ago

Osama Bin Laden Getting Real Friggin' Tired Of Not Getting Credit for 9/11

The Babylon Bee

Osama Bin Laden Getting Real Friggin' Tired Of Not Getting Credit for 9/11

THE INFERNO — In a stunning tell-all interview from the bowels of Hell, Osama bin Laden said he is getting really friggin' sick and tired of...

The Babylon Bee 6 months ago

Waffle House Unveils Successful Brand Strategy Of Just Keeping Everything The Same Forever

The Babylon Bee

Waffle House Unveils Successful Brand Strategy Of Just Keeping Everything The Same Forever

NORCROSS, GA — Following the public relations disaster Cracker Barrel experienced this week after it introduced its new logo, popular restaurant ...

The Babylon Bee 7 months ago

Top 2 Greatest Things About Sydney Sweeney

The Babylon Bee

Top 2 Greatest Things About Sydney Sweeney

With all the controversy surrounding actress Sydney Sweeney's ad campaign for clothing retailer American Eagle, more people than ever are wond...