The other day I was going for a walk and I ended up passing by a woman who was on her knees in front of a car that was completely destroyed. I decided I should talk with her. "What's wrong, ma'am?" "I'm a widow! I'm a WIDOW!" "Heh, yeah you are... You're a widow BITCH!" Anyway, the rest of my walk was pretty nice.

My body count is currently 5, but I'm always working on assimilating more people into my hive mind!

How many people had to fuck pigs for sex to be known as "porking"?

...It was a mistake to play charades with an auctioneer. He hardly even waits for us to act out our word, he just says EVERY word...

I was robbed at gunpoint recently. He asked me for my phone, but I told him that it was really old and beat-up and that he probably didn't want it. So he forced me at gunpoint to enter the cell phone carrier store and request a trade in for the latest version. He then proceeded to steal my brand new phone that he forced me to get. ...At least he let me get an insurance policy while I was there to cover theft of the phone...

Hey! I'm trying to start a loan-shark enterprise and I could use some advice! What can I ask for to ensure I have collateral over someone even if they try to enter witness protection?

What's important is not making a lot of money or spending a lot of money. It's HAVING a lot of money. A person who has a lot of money is a very powerful person, even if they almost never spend more than a little of it. A person with a lot of money can't be forced into debt or insurance or other obligations, especially not ones with unfavorable terms.

How can an illegal parallel economy survive snitches?

I genuinely hate Nostr so much. Do you have any idea how many good social, political, or philosophical arguments I've had on Nostr since I've joined? None. I used to have them all the time on previous platforms. FML.

The worst part about choosing whether or not to be sober is that the decision has almost no material consequence. Being under the influence of drugs or alcohol won't solve your problems for you or make them worse. Being sober won't solve your problems for you or make them worse. If you have a conversation with someone about a problem you have and they tell you to just stop doing drugs or drinking, they are just as much of a bastard as someone who tells you to just do drugs about it or to drink your problems away. That being said, I'm fine with being a bit of a bastard; you really should be sober. Not so that you can affect your problems, but so that your problems can affect you. Every heartbeat in your chest is proof that your will is to survive. You should act like it. Face your life sober.

Damn, I'm hanging out at the bar and a whole incident just ocurred. Some guy was stabbed! The police showed up and everything. "Sir, I'm just trying to understand, why did you stab that man?" "He called me a fake gamer!" "...Oh. I'm so sorry about that sir. I'll let you off with a warning this time. Just try not to hang around people like him in the future, okay?"

Ugh, I'm so irritated. Every time I try to go on a sexist tirade, some goody-goody-two-shoes has to show up and say "whoah there buddy, you should be more respectful to ladies! After all, we're all human!" No. I'M human. THEY are huwomen.