I wonder how many of those "pack a day" smokers were really just "light a cigarette ... take a puff ... hold it in your hand ... notice it burning out ... light another one ... maybe puff once or twice" kind of smokers? If you're not thinking about the cost of every cigarette, then this might make sense.

Is it just me or did bald from bald and bankrupt go dark? We saw him in one of Johnny's videos. Entire vibe shift. He is not the same person that he was in his older videos. And then you see the skull figures on his kitchen countertop.

In laws: "Wow there's a mighty fine number of dead ladybugs on your front porch." Me: "Yeah, they all died! Isn't that interesting!"

My youngest daughter who is two and a half years old has a curious virtue of being _trusting_. The counterpart to that is that she has zero tolerance for any people BS or pretending. She evaluates people by their vibes and their shapes and lines.

We're going more and more fragrance free. The last thing I want to smell when doing laundry is some dorky chemical fragrance. So I love the unscented movement.

I never got why some people don't like washing their toothbrushes with soap. (these _people_ used to include _me_...) But, The smell of soap is a lot better than having plaque and toothpaste crust. I have soft water by the way. So some of you wouldn't understand. (_You don't know who you are._)

What's up nostr. Should I get a real face pfp? But is there a website where I can go to, that digitally alters a headshot of myself in a way not very detectable by humans, but it throws off the facial structure recognition / encoding algorithms? Possibly "AI powered", even?

My toddler just deadass turned off my PC rig by pressing the surge protector reset button.

TikTok is now an American company at least partially because the US government felt it necessary that the company should be willing and able to service government warrants.

Main on Madison feels super dead. Edgar Wright type of stuff...

The man's kids were not permitted to answer him with the phrase "nothing..." --- for example: ("what are you doing?" / "nothing...") --- because, as he explained, actually the phrase "nothing..." is short for "nothing you'd understand", and that's something that _parents_ say to their children. "On your end -- there _are_ things you truly don't understand. On my end, there is no such thing."

Have you ever tracked another person? I have. After a weed deal gone south. I tracked the motherfucker through neighborhoods and backyards, and intercepted him. I popped up _out of the dark_ yaknowhatimsaying, like I emerged from a fucking shadow. It was right shit. But the most we did was just puffing and eye raising. Maybe some arm waving too. I wasn't going to do shit, because I was a fucking pussy that didn't know how to fight. I could probably land some blows, but suffice it to say "I have never fought a fight" is what it was until then. Maybe I was tased in this happened backwards, but at some point I run into his twin brother, my friend Ricky and his brother who is younger but bigger. It turns out that Ricky's other brother was impersonating him on instant messenger asking me to come down and serve him weed through the window while he ghosts me and doesn't pay for it. So I was pretty pissed at Ricky, but Ricky had nothing to do with it. He got defensive. I got to pushing. The two of them got to fighting me and I ended up on my back in the gardening getting walloped, and at some point lil bro was whacking the top of my head with something pointy. I call it quits and they get off and we part ways. It turns out I got bloody. The top of my head was cut open, and blood had been running down the front of my head. Just a little, I hope. And I had to ride all across town on my scooter (yes, we had a cool ass scooter that we could totally just ride fast, you know?). But that night, when I got home, I had to explain to my brother that I got robbed, and there's no money, and no weed. But he was actually fine with it because the weed was pure shit. We had actually grown it, until my dad discovered it and my brother's closet, and poured bleach on the plants, of all things. And I don't know what he did with the plants but we got the plants back, and sure, they were pungent with the district smell of bleach. But it was weed. And I felt bad betraying Ricky by selling him bad weed. But I'm glad we served it to Eddy, because fuck that guy, we didn't know him. And he fucking robbed us. Eddy just served the weed immediately to a guy in the nearby shopping center. So essentially it was a victimless crime? Some bitch ass with a car has to buy twice? Idc. If you trust a guy like Eddy then maybe you get what's coming to you. So I get home and wash my head, in the sink, as is the normal way I washed my hair sometimes. I could see it faintly, in the sink. But what I most remember was the distinct smell of my head oils mingling with the blood. A very distinct smell that I would remember later in a similar injury. These kinds of injuries don't happen that often. Anyway, I wonder if other guys know the smell of blood and hair. It's a fucking weird thing to talk about, sorry... Anyway, so that's what happened that night. After that, Ricky and I's relationship was strained, and his little brother _hated_ me (it turns out it was all posturing, which disappeared once I responded with humility and love (which happened after I got saved). Eddie wasn't in school, so I didn't hear about him much. But Ricky was a funny guy. I liked Ricky, and he was a decent guy back to me. He had a genuine smile, and was funny. Not calling him a saint or anything. But I sort of did a thing by _willingly intended to sell him shit weed_ just so I and my brother could get paid. In other words, *I betrayed him to get high*. And that sticks in me as something I haven't yet asked for forgiveness for. Ricky, I am sorry. But I have done many things in the cover of darkness. From creating a second moon, to stealing and sneaking, even with buddies on occasion. Had to all sneak out of our parents' houses but yeah. But I myself did a lot of shameful sneaking around at night. I regret doing any of it. ... But let's talk about the plain aspect of _sneaking_. Walking silently. Looking for others. Hiding silently in shadows while they pass. Really ninja type shit. I once laid in the shadow of a car beside a sidewalk, as one of the townhouses let their dog out of the front door to pee. I heard the clicking of the dogs paws as he walked past my head. Undetected. So I could do some ghost shit. That's not to say that I never met another man in the dark. I have. But you don't say much to them. I once only saw an ember glow in the back of a house I was walking past. With no sense of alarm. Who the fuck smokes a cigar on their back deck in the pitch black in the still of night? It's sort of what I'm doing right now, minus the stillness of the wind.. I'm smoking, which has risks and considerations. I have to do it in secret, outside. It needs to be dark so that the neighbors don't see me. And also I have family that I don't want to see it.

"in Jesus' name _let it be done_" is what you're supposed to say, people. How did we miss this?

Ending my posts with periods like a sensible adult. Which I am now. Though it feels weird to say.

So my mom was crazy. At least, that's how I would describe it. Nobody said it officially. We all knew she had turned weird around my middle school days. Saying random stuff about holes and taking you on long rants. As if she had a psychotic episode. And that was fine I guess, it simmered down... And she stop taking her meds and developed a sort of nomad lifestyle with simple dress, no TV watching, and taking long walks to random places. She never lifted a hand at the house. I wonder what she resented, because you could feel something was there. She would always be acting gracious and smiling her fake smile. Her tight lipped Swiss smile. Only Americans show their donkey teeth. What a spirit of presentation and falsehood. She died at 60 from cancer on her eyebrow and ear that spread to her brain. It was over pretty quickly, thankfully. But she's still did sometimes yell and rant. On her best behavior when we visited, she told my then 4-year-old daughter that "death isn't real". And I mean, there is a valid point to that, but you're going to seriously whisper it to a child? One of the few things she probably ever said directly to her. Let's talk about how my mom talked. She would talk to you for long stretches of time even if you completely disengaged and ignored her and turned away from her not moving a single muscle in your face or body. She would continue. She spoke like a master web weaver. But instead of a web, she was like a ring-tailed lemur leaping from crab to crag across canyons. If you're going to follow her, you better be quick. And I lost the trail The few times I tried. And she wouldn't track with you, or she wouldn't care. And if you were to ask her a clarifying question, it got stonewalled. So fuck that, I'm not going to talk to you if you are not going to talk to me. And she wasn't actually talking to me. Because she wasn't actually looking at me. I remember once watching her eyes as she spoke to me, in a sort of sullen scientific observation. She truly was not looking at me. Her eyes blinked like a sick mouse. Overwhelmed with so much pain that she could not entertain the terror of observing another human soul for a moment. She never asked me any questions that weren't statements. (Not that I spent too much time around here. That I hate to say.) But you couldn't fault her for much. She was like a helpless but harmless positive soul. And when she opened her mouth she didn't usually speak bad about anyone. Unless it was to chastise my dad by calling him a squirrel or say something random about some politician. It sucks she didn't give a fuck about us. It's like she stopped giving a fuck a long time ago about us. She seems like the kind of bird who would lay her egg and leave it. And somehow my dad convinced her to have five kids. Or, I don't know exactly what the plan was, or who was involved, besides the obvious. I don't want to accuse my dad frivolously. For all we know, they were both stupid at the same time. I wouldn't put it past them! So was I born to two stupid parents? Absolutely not. They were both very cunning and intelligent. And I know which is which. However, when you don't know how to communicate well and express your feelings in a genuine and healthy way — it makes you end up looking very stupid in very many ways. Obviously, we as children only log your faults. It's only after we're 35 that we start wondering about your virtues. Or maybe I'm a rare case.

With some of the shit I say to my wife, I wonder if I'd be a poet if I'd lived 100 years ago. Probably a Hemingway, though I don't really know who that is. I don't read fucking poetry. Nobody speaks right. Nobody talks my Speak so I got to speak it myself. Even that. Who the fuck says stuff like that?

Ok, so our new church is great. They can fucking SING and I love the no nonsense / no acting. Granted, I spoke over the building and the church before the day it even started... and it was great! How much the former correlates with the latter who can say? But they sang new and old songs. Not too old though. We're talking about the golden 90s guitar-and-hands type of worship music that the cool churches sang. ("Our God is an awesome God" ring a bell..) And a couple of new songs. One was a Hillsong classic, and the other was a decent song I had never heard before. The whole day was amazing. May have been the top of the mountain honestly. Makes you wonder if you're about to die, kind of feeling. Lmao. The last meal before me destiny awaits. Life really has been getting better. Even in the midst of troubles, some of the most troubles we've ever had. We are thriving and dynamic. I think it's _because_ of the troubles, actually! It's so ironic how that works. What it is, is that for the believers in Christ, we had a rapture scare and it made us realize that we'd be good in heaven. And we actually thought that we wouldn't mind arriving there. And so, even though the scare was a false alarm, and certain people need to de-platform themselves, or now getting ready for real for it to happen at any time. And we're cleaning the table to leave. And we're speaking true words and seeing the optimism and everything, and making friends with people as if we're saying our goodbyes. And it's a good fucking way to live, truly! But as the kingdom of light sees the dawn approaching, so the kingdom of darkness sees the end of its days draw nigh. And it might act differently.

"Thank you for the cross, my Friend" Why did they feel the need to capitalize every possible reference to a potential name of Christ? Idk, this is not the only beef I have with church lyrics slides. Baller song though. Matt Redman really cooked up some soul from his heart.

Mm. This pizza tastes like I've never had a meal in my life

"Do not use outdoors." ??? You're telling me I shouldn't use this flashlight outdoors? Where the Fuck else ... ...Would I Need a Fucking _FLASHLIGHT_? But then I realize, as I read, ... There is an underlying tone. From man to man. A message written by the sad engineers who were forced to give up a decent IP spec for the sake of cost cutting. But they are laying it out for you, in the text! - "Don't use it outdoors." - "If it gets rained on, it's gonna break." - "We are not allowed to tell you that ... _if you take it apart, you can probably seal it up and have it be fucking *waterproof*_." Suffice it to say that I'm gonna get out my tools real quick...