The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Protestant Quarterback Throws Beautiful Hail Christ Alone Pass

Protestant Quarterback Throws Beautiful Hail Christ Alone Pass

SAN DIEGO, CA — A local protestant quarterback in a competitive amateur spring league made waves this week after throwing a beautiful Hail Christ...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

10 Famous Terrorist Attacks As Described By CNN

10 Famous Terrorist Attacks As Described By CNN

CNN has been a mainstay of the American media since its inception in 1980. The prestigious network has won several awards covering everything from ...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Many Worried That The Giant Spiders Attacking New York Could Lead To An Increase In Hateful Arachnophobia

Many Worried That The Giant Spiders Attacking New York Could Lead To An Increase In Hateful Arachnophobia

NEW YORK, NY — As giant mutant spiders attacked the Big Apple, many concerned experts across the country expressed worry that the giant attacking...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

CNN Reports On Japanese Teenagers Who Came To Hawaii For What Could've Been Beautiful Day At Beach

CNN Reports On Japanese Teenagers Who Came To Hawaii For What Could've Been Beautiful Day At Beach

U.S. — CNN reported this morning that several Japanese teenagers traveled to Hawaii for what could have been a lovely day at the beach.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Iran Warns U.S. It Has Huge Stockpile Of Supreme Leaders

Iran Warns U.S. It Has Huge Stockpile Of Supreme Leaders

TEHRAN — Amid rumors that the newly chosen Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei had been injured in an airstrike, the Iranian regime issued a statement war...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

8 Powerful Ways To Elevate Women On International Women's Day

The Babylon Bee

8 Powerful Ways To Elevate Women On International Women's Day

If you missed celebrating International Women's Day yesterday, it's not too late to solemnly observe it in a variety of meaningful ways.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Europe Under Persistent Delusion Anyone Cares What It Thinks

Europe Under Persistent Delusion Anyone Cares What It Thinks

BRUSSELS — As all eyes around the globe remained fixed on the ongoing U.S.-Iran conflict, leaders gathered for an important summit in a clear dis...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Mamdani Clarifies That His Wife Only Celebrates Terrorism In Her Capacity As A Private Citizen

Mamdani Clarifies That His Wife Only Celebrates Terrorism In Her Capacity As A Private Citizen

NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohram Mandani called a press conference on Monday to clarify that his wife only celebrates the actions and mission of terro...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

David French Praises Satan As 'Most Christian Person In History'

David French Praises Satan As 'Most Christian Person In History'

CHICAGO, IL — Political commentator and columnist for The New York Times David French praised Satan on Monday, calling the great red dragon the m...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Iran Boasts It Has Destroyed Hundreds Of US Missiles With Its Buildings

Iran Boasts It Has Destroyed Hundreds Of US Missiles With Its Buildings

TEHRAN — As the conflict in the Middle East stretched into a second week, the Iranian government issued a public statement boasting that it had d...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Mamdani Condemns New Yorkers For Making Muslims Throw Bombs At Them

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Condemns New Yorkers For Making Muslims Throw Bombs At Them

NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani has strongly condemned New Yorkers for making Muslims throw improvised explosive devices at them.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Newly-Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Crew Of 'Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'

Newly-Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Crew Of 'Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'

HOUSTON, TX — Out of a job after his primary defeat, Dan Crenshaw has officially joined up with the crew of the infamous "Pirates Who Don&#03...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Megyn Kelly Goes Back To Normal After Eating A Snickers

Megyn Kelly Goes Back To Normal After Eating A Snickers

NEW YORK, NY — After months of mounting concern over her apparent change in viewpoints on geopolitical matters, popular commentator and podcaster...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

U.S. Embassy In Minneapolis Evacuated Over Safety Concerns For American Citizens

U.S. Embassy In Minneapolis Evacuated Over Safety Concerns For American Citizens

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The United States State Department issued an evacuation order for the U.S. embassy located in downtown Minneapolis on Friday, c...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Iranian Regime Calls White House To Ask If They Can Have Biden Back

Iranian Regime Calls White House To Ask If They Can Have Biden Back

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Faced with the threat of their total annihilation, the Islamic Republic of Iran reportedly contacted the White House on Thursd...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Congress Pledges To Work Tirelessly To Expose All Sex Criminals Who Aren't In Congress

Congress Pledges To Work Tirelessly To Expose All Sex Criminals Who Aren't In Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising both domestically and around the world, members of the United States Congress gave the American people a ...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

American Values Under Attack: County Replaces 4-Way Stop With Roundabout

American Values Under Attack: County Replaces 4-Way Stop With Roundabout

BATESVILLE, IN — In what many called a brazen attack on cherished American values, the Ripley County Board of Commissioners announced that it had...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

7 Tips For Christian Women To Dress Modestly

7 Tips For Christian Women To Dress Modestly

It can be difficult to find modest attire when you're a Christian woman, what with all the competing expectations. Fortunately, we at the Baby...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

America Graciously Converts 20 Iranian Warships Into New Submarines

The Babylon Bee

America Graciously Converts 20 Iranian Warships Into New Submarines

PERSIAN GULF — In a sign of enormous good will, American forces helpfully converted 20 Iranian warships into submarines.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

To Save Time, Iran Appoints Supreme Leader Who Is Already Dead

To Save Time, Iran Appoints Supreme Leader Who Is Already Dead

TEHRAN — Following the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and a significant portion of the nation's leadership, the Assembly of Experts, charge...