The Babylon Bee - Nostr Hypermedia

To Save Time, Iran Appoints Supreme Leader Who Is Already Dead

TEHRAN — Following the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and a significant portion of the nation's leadership, the Assembly of Experts, charge...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Conservatives Express Concern Over Foreign Wars And OOHHH DANG OUR SUBMARINE JUST BLEW UP A BOAT HECK YEAH WE ARE SO BACK

U.S. — Conservatives across the country have expressed concern over the United States becoming entangled in another foreign war -- OHHH DANG OUR ...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Sad: Iran's ‘Assembly Of Experts’ Forgets To Include Expert On Not Getting Blown Up

TEHRAN — In a tragic oversight, Iran's "Assembly of Experts" forgot to include an expert in not dying in a massive fireball.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Pentecostal Wins At Scrabble Again By Spelling All Words In Tongues

FALLON, NV — Local Pentecostal Christian Glenn Fuller reportedly beat all his friends at Scrabble yet again thanks to his miraculous ability to s...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Lame Local Church Doesn't Even Have An App

The Babylon Bee

Lame Local Church Doesn't Even Have An App

WACO, TX — According to sources, a lame local church doesn't even have its own app.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

New Reusable Water Bottle Makes You Sign In To Google

The Babylon Bee

New Reusable Water Bottle Makes You Sign In To Google

U.S. — According to sources, a new reusable water bottle now requires the user to sign into their Google account in order to open it.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Global Leaders Warn That If WW3 Doesn't End Soon, It Could Disrupt Taylor Swift's Wedding

WORLD — World leaders pleaded with Israel and the United States to stop attacking Iran this week in an emergency meeting of the United Nations Se...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Economists Announce Global Economic System Depends Entirely On Like Maybe Two Guys At Nvidia Who Understand How Computers Work

U.S. — American economists warned the public on Tuesday that the entire global economic system depends entirely on "like two or three guys&#3...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Biden Asks Why Trump Didn't Just Bomb Ayatollah In the Leg

DOVER, DE — In the wake of the highly successful decapitation of Iran's tyrannical dictatorship, former American president Joe Biden asked...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

'Soon...,' Whispers Dad To Dormant Lawnmower In Garage

The Babylon Bee

'Soon...,' Whispers Dad To Dormant Lawnmower In Garage

LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — The dreams of spring were in the air during last weekend, as one local suburban dad gently consoled himself next to his d...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Man Awarded Medal Of Honor For Courageously Monitoring Iran War Effort Online

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a modest ceremony at the White House, President Trump awarded the Medal of Honor to a man who was up all weekend monitoring...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Here's How Major News Outlets Are Reporting The Death Of The Ayatollah

The Babylon Bee

Here's How Major News Outlets Are Reporting The Death Of The Ayatollah

Fox News: Trump Strikes Iran In 'Perfectly Executed' Military Operation

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Obama Confused To See Bombs Falling On Iran Instead Of Pallets Of Cash

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With military operations ongoing against the Ayatollah's Islamic regime, former President Barack Obama expressed confusio...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Mamdani Vows Retaliatory Strikes Against Bernie's Kosher Delicatessen

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Vows Retaliatory Strikes Against Bernie's Kosher Delicatessen

NEW YORK CITY — In the wake of U.S. attacks on Iran, Mayor Zohran Mamdani has vowed to launch retaliatory strikes on Bernie's Kosher Delicat...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Iran Introduces New Ayatollah

The Babylon Bee

Iran Introduces New Ayatollah

TEHRAN — The Iranian government has officially announced a successor to Ayatollah Khamenei, introducing today the new Supreme Ayatollah, Tucker C...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

British Citizens Politely Ask If They Can Be Liberated From Radical Islam Next

The Babylon Bee

British Citizens Politely Ask If They Can Be Liberated From Radical Islam Next

LONDON — British citizens have politely asked if perhaps they could be next on the list for liberation from radical Islam.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

The U.S. Just Attacked Iran: Here's What Happens Next

The United States launched a major military attack on Iran overnight, striking dozens of high-level targets across the nation. As the dust settles,...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Mamdani Orders Flags At One World Trade Center Flown Half-Staff To Mourn Ayatollah

NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani has ordered all flags at One World Trade Center to be flown at half-staff to mourn the death of Ayatollah Kh...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body

The Babylon Bee

Ayatollah To Give Speech As Soon As Officials Find The Rest Of His Body

TEHRAN — Iranian officials have promised that Ayatollah Khamenei will give a speech just as soon as they have located the rest of his body.

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Iranian Generals Kicking Themselves For Not Just Meeting Over Zoom

The Babylon Bee

Iranian Generals Kicking Themselves For Not Just Meeting Over Zoom

TEHRAN — Iranian military leaders are reportedly "really kicking themselves" for not just having their latest meeting over zoom.