The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

WINNING: Trump Announces Plan To Attack The British And Prussian Forces At Waterloo

The Babylon Bee

WINNING: Trump Announces Plan To Attack The British And Prussian Forces At Waterloo

WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's resurgence reached a new level this morning, as President Donald Trump announced a plan to attack the British a...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Impoverished Man Only Has Two Computer Monitors

The Babylon Bee

Impoverished Man Only Has Two Computer Monitors

PALO ALTO, CA — According to sources, a local impoverished man only has two computer monitors on his desk in his home office.

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Jobs Report Shows Skyrocketing Unemployment Among Lizard People

The Babylon Bee

Jobs Report Shows Skyrocketing Unemployment Among Lizard People

U.S. — As the Department of Government Efficiency continued scouring federal agencies on a crusade to eliminate waste and unnecessary positions, ...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Audit Reveals All Fort Knox Gold Replaced With IOUs

The Babylon Bee

Audit Reveals All Fort Knox Gold Replaced With IOUs

FORT KNOX, KY — An audit by the Department Of Government Efficiency has revealed that all the heavy gold bars that were thought to be kept in the...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Von Trapp Family Crosses The Alps Into Switzerland To Escape Free Speech

The Babylon Bee

Von Trapp Family Crosses The Alps Into Switzerland To Escape Free Speech

SALZBURG, AUSTRIA — The well-respected Von Trapp family has reportedly fled across the alps to Switzerland to escape the ever growing threat of f...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Woman Posts Pic Of Her Dinner For Benefit Of Friends Who’ve Never Seen Spaghetti

The Babylon Bee

Woman Posts Pic Of Her Dinner For Benefit Of Friends Who’ve Never Seen Spaghetti

LEXINGTON, KY — Local woman Julie Linton took several pictures of her dinner to post on social media for the benefit of all of her friends who ha...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Their Future National Anthem

The Babylon Bee

Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Their Future National Anthem

MONTREAL — Hockey fans of the soon-to-be 51st state of America booed when their future National Anthem was played last night.

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Europe Vows To Stick It To Trump By Finally Paying Their Own Bills

The Babylon Bee

Europe Vows To Stick It To Trump By Finally Paying Their Own Bills

MUNICH, DE — Following Vice President J.D. Vance's speech condemning Europe for failing to do its part alongside America to protect democrat...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

SNL Celebrates 25th Anniversary Of Last Time It Was Funny

The Babylon Bee

SNL Celebrates 25th Anniversary Of Last Time It Was Funny

NEW YORK, NY — Saturday Night Live hosted an epic celebration to mark fifty years since the show started and twenty-five years since it was last ...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Vance Speech Denouncing E.U. Censorship Censored By E.U.

The Babylon Bee

Vance Speech Denouncing E.U. Censorship Censored By E.U.

MUNICH — Angry about Vice President J.D. Vance's speech denouncing censorship in the Europe, the European Union has decided to censor all vi...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Democrats Demand Transparency From Man Who Posts Literally Everything He Does On The Internet

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Demand Transparency From Man Who Posts Literally Everything He Does On The Internet

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have demanded increased transparency from a man who painstakingly posts on the internet every single thing he does.

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

The Babylon Bee Has Obtained RFK Jr.'s New And Improved Food Pyramid

The Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee Has Obtained RFK Jr.'s New And Improved Food Pyramid

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was only officially confirmed and sworn in as the new Secretary of Health and Human Services yesterday, but he's already...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Disaster As King Solomon Only Buys 698 Valentine's Day Gifts

The Babylon Bee

Disaster As King Solomon Only Buys 698 Valentine's Day Gifts

JERUSALEM — Reports circulated that the House of Solomon had fallen into disarray following a disastrous Valentine's Day celebration in whic...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Impatient Liberal Journalist Starting to Suspect Trump Will Never Send Her to a Concentration Camp

The Babylon Bee

Impatient Liberal Journalist Starting To Suspect Trump Will Never Send Her To A Concentration Camp

ATLANTA, GA — An impatient liberal journalist employed by CNN began to express doubts this week that President Trump will ever send her to a conc...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

German Weather Forecasts Now Include Chances Of Being Run Down By Crazed Jihadist

The Babylon Bee

German Weather Forecasts Now Include Chances Of Being Run Down By Crazed Jihadist

BERLIN — As part of their 5-day weather forecast, German meteorologists have started to incorporate the likelihood of being run down by a crazed ...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Supreme Court Approves Death Penalty For People Who Buy Valentine's Day Cards For Their 'Work Wife'

The Babylon Bee

Supreme Court Approves Death Penalty For People Who Buy Valentine's Day Cards For Their 'Work Wife'

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emergency ruling, the United States Supreme Court authorized the use of the death penalty for anyone who buys Valentine&...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Democrats Vow to Fight DOGE by Wasting More Money Than Ever

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Vow To Fight DOGE By Wasting More Money Than Ever

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The tug-of-war taking over federal spending continued this week, as prominent Democrats pledged to waste more money than ever ...

The Babylon Bee 0 years ago

Pope Francis Announces That God Agrees With Whatever It Is Democrats Want To Do Right Now

The Babylon Bee

Pope Francis Announces That God Agrees With Whatever It Is Democrats Want To Do Right Now

ROME — Pope Francis, Pontiff of the Roman Church, has just confirmed that God agrees with whatever it is that the Democrats want to do right now.

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Eagles Flagged For Roughing The Passer On Pregame Handshake

The Babylon Bee

Eagles Flagged For Roughing The Passer On Pregame Handshake

NEW ORLEANS, LA — The Philadelphia Eagles were flagged for roughing the passer before the Super Bowl even got underway, receiving a 15-yard penal...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

10 Inefficiencies In Government Computer Systems Identified By DOGE Workers

The Babylon Bee

10 Inefficiencies In Government Computer Systems Identified By DOGE Workers

The Trump administration's Department of Government Efficiency has been on the warpath against federal waste and turning over every seedy rock...