The Babylon Bee
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Fake news you can trust.
Von Trapp Family Crosses The Alps Into Switzerland To Escape Free Speech
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Von Trapp Family Crosses The Alps Into Switzerland To Escape Free Speech
SALZBURG, AUSTRIA — The well-respected Von Trapp family has reportedly fled across the alps to Switzerland to escape the ever growing threat of f...
Woman Posts Pic Of Her Dinner For Benefit Of Friends Who’ve Never Seen Spaghetti
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Woman Posts Pic Of Her Dinner For Benefit Of Friends Who’ve Never Seen Spaghetti
LEXINGTON, KY — Local woman Julie Linton took several pictures of her dinner to post on social media for the benefit of all of her friends who ha...
Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Their Future National Anthem
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Canadian Hockey Fans Boo Their Future National Anthem
MONTREAL — Hockey fans of the soon-to-be 51st state of America booed when their future National Anthem was played last night.
Europe Vows To Stick It To Trump By Finally Paying Their Own Bills
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Europe Vows To Stick It To Trump By Finally Paying Their Own Bills
MUNICH, DE — Following Vice President J.D. Vance's speech condemning Europe for failing to do its part alongside America to protect democrat...
SNL Celebrates 25th Anniversary Of Last Time It Was Funny
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SNL Celebrates 25th Anniversary Of Last Time It Was Funny
NEW YORK, NY — Saturday Night Live hosted an epic celebration to mark fifty years since the show started and twenty-five years since it was last ...
Vance Speech Denouncing E.U. Censorship Censored By E.U.
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Vance Speech Denouncing E.U. Censorship Censored By E.U.
MUNICH — Angry about Vice President J.D. Vance's speech denouncing censorship in the Europe, the European Union has decided to censor all vi...
Democrats Demand Transparency From Man Who Posts Literally Everything He Does On The Internet
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Democrats Demand Transparency From Man Who Posts Literally Everything He Does On The Internet
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have demanded increased transparency from a man who painstakingly posts on the internet every single thing he does.
The Babylon Bee Has Obtained RFK Jr.'s New And Improved Food Pyramid
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The Babylon Bee Has Obtained RFK Jr.'s New And Improved Food Pyramid
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was only officially confirmed and sworn in as the new Secretary of Health and Human Services yesterday, but he's already...
Disaster As King Solomon Only Buys 698 Valentine's Day Gifts
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Disaster As King Solomon Only Buys 698 Valentine's Day Gifts
JERUSALEM — Reports circulated that the House of Solomon had fallen into disarray following a disastrous Valentine's Day celebration in whic...
Impatient Liberal Journalist Starting to Suspect Trump Will Never Send Her to a Concentration Camp
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Impatient Liberal Journalist Starting To Suspect Trump Will Never Send Her To A Concentration Camp
ATLANTA, GA — An impatient liberal journalist employed by CNN began to express doubts this week that President Trump will ever send her to a conc...
German Weather Forecasts Now Include Chances Of Being Run Down By Crazed Jihadist
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German Weather Forecasts Now Include Chances Of Being Run Down By Crazed Jihadist
BERLIN — As part of their 5-day weather forecast, German meteorologists have started to incorporate the likelihood of being run down by a crazed ...
Supreme Court Approves Death Penalty For People Who Buy Valentine's Day Cards For Their 'Work Wife'
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Supreme Court Approves Death Penalty For People Who Buy Valentine's Day Cards For Their 'Work Wife'
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emergency ruling, the United States Supreme Court authorized the use of the death penalty for anyone who buys Valentine&...
Democrats Vow to Fight DOGE by Wasting More Money Than Ever
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Democrats Vow To Fight DOGE By Wasting More Money Than Ever
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The tug-of-war taking over federal spending continued this week, as prominent Democrats pledged to waste more money than ever ...
Pope Francis Announces That God Agrees With Whatever It Is Democrats Want To Do Right Now
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Pope Francis Announces That God Agrees With Whatever It Is Democrats Want To Do Right Now
ROME — Pope Francis, Pontiff of the Roman Church, has just confirmed that God agrees with whatever it is that the Democrats want to do right now.
Eagles Flagged For Roughing The Passer On Pregame Handshake
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Eagles Flagged For Roughing The Passer On Pregame Handshake
NEW ORLEANS, LA — The Philadelphia Eagles were flagged for roughing the passer before the Super Bowl even got underway, receiving a 15-yard penal...
10 Inefficiencies In Government Computer Systems Identified By DOGE Workers
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10 Inefficiencies In Government Computer Systems Identified By DOGE Workers
The Trump administration's Department of Government Efficiency has been on the warpath against federal waste and turning over every seedy rock...
Local Episcopal Church Announces 327 New Bible Study Groups For All The Genders
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Local Episcopal Church Announces 327 New Bible Study Groups For All The Genders
CINCINNATI, OH — St. Arthwyn's Episcopal Church of Cincinnati has just expanded its discipleship offerings with 327 new Bible study groups f...
All Senate Confirmation Votes Delayed Until Mitch McConnell Unfreezes Again
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All Senate Confirmation Votes Delayed Until Mitch McConnell Unfreezes Again
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The senate was forced to delay further confirmation votes for Trump's cabinet this week, clarifying that all votes would ...
Biden Signs With Talent Agency, Lands Role As Corpse On 'CSI'
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Biden Signs With Talent Agency, Lands Role As Corpse On 'CSI'
LOS ANGELES, CA — Questions about his future after leaving the White House were apparently answered this week, as Joe Biden announced that he had...