The Babylon Bee 10 months ago

World Heath Organization Warns Trump Funding Cuts May Delay Release Of New Pandemic

The Babylon Bee

World Health Organization Warns Trump Funding Cuts May Delay Release Of New Pandemic

GENEVA — World Health Organization (WHO) leaders are sounding the alarm Thursday, warning that President Trump's temporary freeze on federal...

The Babylon Bee 10 months ago

Archaeologists Discover Sodom And Gomorrah Was Funded By USAID

The Babylon Bee

Archaeologists Discover Sodom And Gomorrah Was Funded By USAID

JORDAN — Newly translated clay tablets unearthed near the Dead Sea indicate that Sodom and Gomorrah was originally funded by USAID.

The Babylon Bee 10 months ago

Babylon Bee Announces $36,000/Month Pro Subscription For USAID-Funded Government Agencies

The Babylon Bee

Babylon Bee Announces $36,000/Month Pro Subscription For USAID-Funded Government Agencies

U.S. — The Babylon Bee is proud to announce a special new membership option for USAID-funded government agencies which will start at just $36,000...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

To Announce They’ve Given Up Completely, DNC Selects David Hogg As Vice Chair

The Babylon Bee

To Announce They’ve Given Up Completely, DNC Selects David Hogg As Vice Chair

NATIONAL HARBOR, MD — Announcing that it has now given up entirely, the Democratic National Committee selected David Hogg as its new Vice Chair.

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Wife Helpfully Explains To Husband What He Meant By What He Said

The Babylon Bee

Wife Helpfully Explains To Husband What He Meant By What He Said

MANHATTAN, KS — Local wife Denise Thompson graciously sat down with her husband Mike to explain what he actually meant by what he said.

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Nominee For Top Criminal Justice Position Interviewed By Nation’s Top Criminals

The Babylon Bee

Nominee For Top Criminal Justice Position Interviewed By Nation’s Top Criminals

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an electrifying several hours on Capitol Hill, a nominee for the nation's top criminal justice position was interviewe...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Sad Hunter Biden Wondering Why No One Buying His Paintings Anymore

The Babylon Bee

Sad Hunter Biden Wondering Why No One Buying His Paintings Anymore

MALIBU, CA — Hunter Biden looked visibly troubled this week as sales for his paintings plummeted by approximately 100%.

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Clump Of Cells Dies At 67

The Babylon Bee

Clump Of Cells Dies At 67

NEW YORK — A clump of cells became no longer viable earlier this week at the age of 67.

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives

The Babylon Bee

Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives

LOS ANGELES, CA — As the world looked on in shock while multiple wildfires ravaged areas outside of Los Angeles, California Governor Gavin Newsom...

The Babylon Bee 11 months ago

Trudeau To Be Humanely Euthanized

The Babylon Bee

Trudeau To Be Humanely Euthanized

OTTAWA — Amid growing public outcry across the country, the Canadian government announced that embattled Prime Minister Justin Trudeau would be h...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Aw, Crap: DOGE Announces It’s Replacing Baseball With Cricket

The Babylon Bee

Aw, Crap: DOGE Announces It Will Replace Baseball With Cricket

U.S. — In a blow to America's favorite pastime, Vivek Ramaswamy has officially announced that the Department Of Government Efficiency will b...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Drone Problem Solved After They Try Flying Over Texas

The Babylon Bee

Drone Problem Solved After They Try Flying Over Texas

TEXAS — The recent issue of unidentified drones hovering over American skies was solved suddenly today after the drones attempted to fly over Texas.

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Mysterious User 'OrangeMan47' Snatches Up All Border Wall Materials In Online Auction

The Babylon Bee

Mysterious User 'OrangeMan47' Snatches Up All Border Wall Materials In Online Auction

U.S. — Just days after news leaked that President Joe Biden was quietly selling unused border wall construction materials via online auction, pre...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

McDonald’s Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024

The Babylon Bee

McDonald’s Surpasses FBI In Number Of Shooters Apprehended In 2024

U.S. — Fast-food chain McDonald's has officially surpassed the Federal Bureau of Investigation in the number of shooters apprehended in 2024.

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

9 Things Public Schools Won't Tell You About The First Thanksgiving

The Babylon Bee

9 Things Public Schools Won't Tell You About The First Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving week, which brings back memories of what you learned in school about the first Thanksgiving, where pilgrim settlers and nati...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

RFK Jr. Unveils New School Lunches That Are Just A 24-Ounce Ribeye And A White Claw

The Babylon Bee

RFK Jr. Unveils New School Lunches That Are Just A 24-Ounce Ribeye And A White Claw

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources within the Department of Health and Human Services reported that incoming Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. was prepari...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Fattest, Sickest Country On Earth Concerned New Health Secretary Might Do Something Different

The Babylon Bee

Fattest, Sickest Country On Earth Concerned New Health Secretary Might Do Something Different

U.S. — Citizens in the most obese, unhealthy country on the face of the planet have expressed concern that new Health Secretary RFK might try to ...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

Kamala Appeals To Black Voters By Offering Free Pack of Menthols and Copy of 'Madea's Family Reunion' On DVD

The Babylon Bee

Kamala Appeals To Black Voters By Offering Free Pack of Menthols and Copy of 'Madea's Family Reunion' On DVD

ATLANTA, GA — Continuing her push to bolster support among minority voters, Vice President Kamala Harris appealed to black voters by offering eac...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

CBS Reveals They Interviewed Kamala For 721 Hours In Order To Compile '60 Minutes' Of Usable Footage

The Babylon Bee

CBS Reveals They Interviewed Kamala For 721 Hours In Order To Compile '60 Minutes' Of Usable Footage

NEW YORK, NY — Following allegations of showing different clips of Kamala answering the same question, CBS News defended themselves by revealing ...

The Babylon Bee 1 year ago

FEMA Warns They Don’t Have The Resources To Block Humanitarian Aid For Next Hurricane

The Babylon Bee

FEMA Warns They Don’t Have The Resources To Block Humanitarian Aid For Next Hurricane

TAMPA, FL — FEMA announced this week they don't have enough resources to block any outside humanitarian aid coming into Florida and surround...