The Babylon Bee - Nostr Hypermedia

Canada Requires All Men's Rooms To Have Tampons In Case Of Justin Trudeau Visit

OTTAWA — A new law passed in Canada this week required all men's room across the country to stock tampons in case Justin Trudeau pops in and...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Hamas Offers To Release Hostages If Israel Agrees To Not Exist

The Babylon Bee

Hamas Offers To Release Hostages If Israel Agrees To Not Exist

QATAR — In a promising development for over 230 innocent civilians held captive in Gaza, Chief Ismail Haniyeh extended an offer to release all th...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Osama Bin Laden 'Hope' Poster Spotted On College Campuses

The Babylon Bee

Osama Bin Laden 'Hope' Poster Spotted On College Campuses

U.S. — According to sources, several sightings of an Osama Bin Laden poster in the style of the classic Obama "HOPE" poster have been rep...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

White House Issues Condemnation Of Attack Biden Funded

The Babylon Bee

White House Issues Condemnation Of Attack Biden Funded

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House issued this morning an unequivocal condemnation of the horrific terrorist attacks in Israel that were funded b...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Starbucks Pledges To Eliminate Wasteful Paper Cups By Pouring Coffee Directly Down Customers' Gullets

The Babylon Bee

Starbucks Pledges To Eliminate Wasteful Paper Cups By Pouring Coffee Directly Down Customers' Gullets

SEATTLE, WA — In an effort to combat climate change and reduce excess waste, coffee shop mega-chain Starbucks has announced it will eliminate its...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Newsom Says New Senator Was Most Qualified Candidate In The .00001 Percent Of Population He Chose From

The Babylon Bee

Newsom Says New Senator Was Most Qualified Candidate In The .00001 Percent Of Population He Chose From

SACRAMENTO, CA — After being caught off guard by criticism of his selection of Laphonza Butler to replace the late Dianne Feinstein in Congress, ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Pope Francis Warns Against Narrow Gate, Says Wide, Broad Road Is Fine

The Babylon Bee

Pope Francis Warns Against Narrow Gate, Says Wide, Broad Road Is Fine

VATICAN — Pope Francis today released a papal decree warning Christians against going through the narrow gate, and instead encouraging everyone t...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Experts Unsure Where President's Dog Learned To Bite

The Babylon Bee

Experts Unsure Where President's Dog Learned To Bite

WASHINGTON, DC — After yet another biting incident involving the Presidential pooch Commander, members of the White House staff and canine expert...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Liberal Parents Ground Kid From New Pronouns For A Month

The Babylon Bee

Liberal Parents Ground Kid From New Pronouns For A Month

CHICAGO, IL — A local progressive couple sought to solve their teenage child's outburst of rebellion against their authority by grounding th...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Philadelphia Shoe Stores, Liquor Stores, Electronics Stores Looted By Starving People Desperately Looking For Bread

The Babylon Bee

Philadelphia Shoe Stores, Liquor Stores, Electronics Stores Looted By Starving People Desperately Looking For Bread

PHILADELPHIA, PA — According to sources, the city of Philadelphia is being plagued by looters stealing from liquor stores, electronics stores, an...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

To Avoid Embarrassing Falls, Aides Will Now Transport Biden Using Presidential Hand Truck

The Babylon Bee

To Avoid Embarrassing Falls, Aides Will Now Transport Biden Using Presidential Hand Truck

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House announced a new directive Tuesday they say will put an end to President Joe Biden's endless pratfalls onc...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

After Latest Gaffe, White House Staff Remove Biden’s Brain, Blow On It, Put it Back In

The Babylon Bee

After Latest Gaffe, White House Staff Remove Biden’s Brain, Blow On It, Put it Back In

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After another horrendously embarrassing day of gaffes for President Biden, White House aides decided to try removing his brain...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Mormon Parents Name Another Kid By Scooping 11 Random Letters Out Of Alphabet Spaghettios

The Babylon Bee

Mormon Parents Name Another Kid By Scooping 11 Random Letters Out Of Alphabet Spaghettios

NEPHI, UT — Expecting their thirteenth child, Naethainiel and Ruthannaleeeley Shumway resumed the centuries-old Mormon tradition of picking possi...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Date With Taylor Swift Off To Rocky Start As She Already Writing Something In Her Song Idea Book

The Babylon Bee

Date With Taylor Swift Off To Rocky Start As She Already Writing Something In Her Song Idea Book

LOS ANGELES, CA — Local man Seth Bridges' date with Taylor Swift got off to a rocky start as the singer began writing in her song idea noteb...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Christianity Defeated After Atheist Points Out That They Still Eat Shellfish And Wear Mixed Fabrics

The Babylon Bee

Christianity Defeated After Atheist Points Out That They Still Eat Shellfish And Wear Mixed Fabrics

BIDDLEFORD, ME — The foundations of Christendom were rocked to their very core this week after local atheist Chaz Piddington noted that Christian...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Justin Trudeau Says He Never Forced People To Get Vaccinated And That We've Always Been At War With Eurasia

The Babylon Bee

Justin Trudeau Says He Never Forced People To Get Vaccinated And That We've Always Been At War With Eurasia

OTTAWA, ON — In a country-wide broadcast this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau denied ever forcing COVID-19 vaccinations on Canadian citizens ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Justin Trudeau Says He Never Forced People To Get Vaccinated And That We've Always Been At War With Eurasia

The Babylon Bee

Justin Trudeau Says He Never Forced People To Get Vaccinated And That We've Always Been At War With Eurasia

OTTAWA, ON — In a country-wide broadcast this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau denied ever forcing COVID-19 vaccinations on Canadian citizens ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

9 New Woke Features In Bethesda's 'Starfield'

The Babylon Bee

9 New Woke Features In Bethesda's 'Starfield'

Surprise, surprise — wokeness has spread far beyond our own galaxy. With the long-awaited release of Starfield, the science fiction action-role-p...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Capitol Physician Medically Clears Bowl Of Jell-O To Serve In Senate

The Babylon Bee

Capitol Physician Medically Clears Bowl Of Jell-O To Serve In Senate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In addition to certifying Mitch McConnell, Diane Feinstein, and John Fetterman as fit to serve in prominent roles in the legis...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

What Men Talk About At The Cigar Lounge, REVEALED

The Babylon Bee

What Men Talk About At The Cigar Lounge, REVEALED

The secrets of the cigar lounge have been kept tightly under wraps for centuries, with women left to only speculate about the pearls of wisdom, min...