The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Say It’ll Take A Lot More Than Eyewitness Testimony, Bank Records, Audio, Video, Complete Confessions For Them To Believe Biden Did Anything Wrong

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As evidence of bribery and corruption by the Biden family continues to mount, Democrat lawmakers in the nation's capital ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

The Babylon Bee

With Colbert Off The Air, Dancing Vaccines Forced To Perform At Children’s Birthday Parties

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY — With the writers' strike entering its fourth month, workers associated with late-night comedy shows are falling on h...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

The Babylon Bee

Epstein Client List To Be Posted On Threads Where No One Will Ever See It

U.S. — The infamous Epstein client list will reportedly be posted on the Threads app today, where no human being will ever see its contents.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

The Babylon Bee

Too Far: Texas Dispatches Thwomps To Guard Border

EL PASO, TX — In a massive escalation, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has set up incredibly angry Thwomp Traps at the U.S.-Mexico border to deter ill...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

The Babylon Bee

Disney Writers Threaten If Their Demands Are Not Met They Will Write Another Obi-Wan Series

KANSAS CITY, MO — The Hollywood strike has entered a new level of viciousness, with Disney writers now threatening to write another Obi-Wan serie...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

The Babylon Bee

Oakland Mayor Asks Residents To Blow Air Horn Once To Announce Stabbing, Twice For Shooting

OAKLAND, CA — To help emergency responders deal with a recent surge in crime, Mayor Shen Thao has asked Oakland residents to use air horns to hel...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

The Babylon Bee

Biden Vows To Sacrifice As Many Ukrainian Lives As It Takes To Defeat Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold statement of strength and resolve, President Joe Biden vowed to keep up the war effort against Russia as long as any...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The Babylon Bee

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The public school system is a minefield for kids these days. While most public schoolteachers are verified, card-carrying leftist indoctrinators, t...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

The Babylon Bee

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's s...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The Babylon Bee

10 Signs Your Public School Teacher Is A Secret Christian

The public school system is a minefield for kids these days. While most public schoolteachers are verified, card-carrying leftist indoctrinators, t...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

The Babylon Bee

Wayne Brady Comes Out As Needing Attention

MALIBU, CA — Wayne Brady, the beloved comedian who performed on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, hosted Let's Make A Deal, and voiced Noah's s...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

The Babylon Bee

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The burgeoning food and grocery delivery market is setting its sights on a lucrative niche as DoorDash has announced its new ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Democrats Hire Professional Puppeteer To Continue Operating Dianne Feinstein

The Babylon Bee

Democrats Hire Professional Puppeteer To Continue Operating Dianne Feinstein

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Democrats have recruited a professional puppeteer to assist 90-year-old Dianne Feinstein by moving her dead limbs and s...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

The Babylon Bee

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

CORUSCANT — Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly rec...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...