The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

The Babylon Bee

Chicago Mayor Says That Due To Negative Connotations We Should Stop Using The Word 'Chicago'

CHICAGO — Mayor Brandon Johnson advised Chicago reporters to stop using the word "Chicago" when describing anything that happens in Chica...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

The Babylon Bee

Celebrity Bravely Criticizes Woke Activists Moments Before Apologizing To Them

UNITED STATES — A celebrity was recently praised by conservatives for a handful of seconds for bravely criticizing woke idealogues just moments b...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

The Babylon Bee

DoorDash Now Offering Pickle Jar Opening Service For Single Women

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The burgeoning food and grocery delivery market is setting its sights on a lucrative niche as DoorDash has announced its new ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

The Babylon Bee

Megan Rapinoe Gets New Job With Galactic Empire Training Stormtroopers To Shoot

CORUSCANT — Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly rec...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

The Babylon Bee

Weather Channel Invites Biden For Interview After Hearing How Much He Loves To Discuss The Weather

ATLANTA, GA — Cable network The Weather Channel excitedly welcomed President Joe Biden on the air for a live interview after hearing about how mu...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

RNC Combs Beach Seeking Possible Replacement For McConnell

The Babylon Bee

RNC Combs Beach Seeking Possible Replacement For McConnell

UNITED STATES — The Republican National Committee has been hard at work seeking a possible replacement for Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, send...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Trump Indicted For Mocking US Women’s Soccer

The Babylon Bee

Trump Indicted For Mocking US Women’s Soccer

U.S. — Former President Trump is facing yet another indictment, this time for mocking U.S. Women's soccer after their embarrassing loss to S...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Report: Record Number Of People Following Their Hearts

The Babylon Bee

Report: Record Number Of People Following Their Hearts

WORLD — A newly released report has revealed that people are following their hearts at record levels, with remarkably disastrous results.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

FBI Sends In Heavily Armed Tactical Team To Unscrew Incandescent Light Bulb

The Babylon Bee

FBI Sends In Heavily Armed Tactical Team To Unscrew Incandescent Light Bulb

BIRMINGHAM, AL — In an extraordinary display of efficiency and ruthlessness, the FBI's crack tactical team descended upon a sleepy suburban ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Backup Dancers Say They Are Tired Of Living In Lizzo's Shadow

The Babylon Bee

Backup Dancers Say They Are Tired Of Living In Lizzo's Shadow

U.S. — After years of being totally obscured by Lizzo's shadow, her backup dancers have finally had enough.

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

BLM Scrambles To See If They Can Make Any Money Off This

The Babylon Bee

BLM Scrambles To See If They Can Make Any Money Off This

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Fatphobic A.I. Still Not Generating A Supermodel That Looks Like Lizzo

The Babylon Bee

Fatphobic A.I. Still Not Generating A Supermodel That Looks Like Lizzo

UNITED STATES — A.I.-generated supermodels are turning heads and garnering millions of followers with their slim, lithe, fake bodies showing off ...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Tiny Texas Border Town Really Sorry To Hear About New York City Struggling With A Few Thousand Migrants

The Babylon Bee

Tiny Texas Border Town Really Sorry To Hear About New York City Struggling With A Few Thousand Migrants

ACALA, TX — Residents of a small Texas border town have expressed their sympathy for New York City as it buckles under the weight of a few thousa...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Trump Charged With Questioning Election Results While Not Being A Democrat

The Babylon Bee

Trump Charged With Questioning Election Results While Not Being A Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Trump appeared in court yesterday after Special Council Jack Smith charged him with the high crime of questioning his election...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

White House Says Bidenomics So Successful The Average American Has Twice As Many Jobs As They Had Two Years Ago

The Babylon Bee

White House Says Bidenomics So Successful The Average American Has Twice As Many Jobs As They Had Two Years Ago

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press briefing this morning, the White House praised the overwhelming success of "Bidenomics," as the average Ame...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

'We Never Do Anything Fun,' Says Kid Five Minutes After Weeklong Beach Vacation

The Babylon Bee

'We Never Do Anything Fun,' Says Kid Five Minutes After Weeklong Beach Vacation

KNOXVILLE, TN — Minutes after the Stephenson family had returned from a weeklong beach vacation filled with swimming, lounging, eating, and playi...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Library Of Congress Decides To Go Ahead And Clean That Flute Lizzo Borrowed One More Time

The Babylon Bee

Library Of Congress Decides To Go Ahead And Clean That Flute Lizzo Borrowed One More Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As news reports come out regarding plus-sized rapper/actress/flutist Lizzo's alleged outrageous acts that resulted in her...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Tiny Texas Border Town Really Sorry To Hear About New York City Struggling With A Few Thousand Migrants

The Babylon Bee

Tiny Texas Border Town Really Sorry To Hear About New York City Struggling With A Few Thousand Migrants

ACALA, TX — Residents of a small Texas border town have expressed their sympathy for New York City as it buckles under the weight of a few thousa...

The Babylon Bee 2 years ago

Fatphobic A.I. Still Not Generating A Supermodel That Looks Like Lizzo

The Babylon Bee

Fatphobic A.I. Still Not Generating A Supermodel That Looks Like Lizzo

UNITED STATES — A.I.-generated supermodels are turning heads and garnering millions of followers with their slim, lithe, fake bodies showing off ...