The Babylon Bee - Nostr Hypermedia

New Photos Reveal Epstein Had A Sick Fetish For Girls With Giant Black Squares For Heads

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the latest batch of Epstein files was released by the Department of Justice, it has become evident to everyone that Jeff...

The Babylon Bee 1 week ago

To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah

The Babylon Bee

To Halt Violence Against Jews, Australia Bans Hanukkah

MELBOURNE — To stem the growing tide of violence against Jewish citizens, the Australian government has moved to officially ban the celebration o...

The Babylon Bee 1 week ago

Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again

The Babylon Bee

Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts unveiled a new trick play where quarterback Philip Rivers fakes a handoff, then jogs off the field to g...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Troubling New Survey Shows 90 Percent Of Graduating High School Seniors Don't Know The Airspeed Velocity Of An Unladen Swallow

The Babylon Bee

Troubling New Survey Shows 90 Percent Of Graduating High School Seniors Don't Know The Airspeed Velocity Of An Unladen Swallow

PALO ALTO, CA — A startling new study out of Stanford University shows almost all graduating high school seniors in the U.S. are unable to recall...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Assures New Yorkers There’s No Problem Too Large For Government To Make Worse

NEW YORK, NY — In a celebratory speech following his historic win in New York City's mayoral election, Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani promised r...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Mamdani Announces Plan To Blame Racism After His Policies Fail

The Babylon Bee

Mamdani Announces Plan To Blame Racism After His Policies Fail

NEW YORK, NY — As residents of the Big Apple made their way to the polls today, New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani preemptively annou...

The Babylon Bee 1 month ago

Trump Asks Elon If He Can Come Up With A Way To Supply 1.21 Gigawatts Of Power To A DeLorean

The Babylon Bee

Trump Asks Elon If He Can Come Up With A Way To Supply 1.21 Gigawatts Of Power To A DeLorean

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, President Donald Trump broached the subject of scientific collaboration this week with Tesla Founder and...

The Babylon Bee 2 months ago

Government Shutdown: Pros And Cons

The Babylon Bee

Government Shutdown: Pros And Cons

As the government shutdown continued into its fourth week, Americans from all parts of the country reported experiencing a wide range of feelings a...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

Greta Thunberg Reports Flotilla Struck By Jewish Space Laser

The Babylon Bee

Greta Thunberg Reports Flotilla Struck By Jewish Space Laser

MEDITERRANEAN SEA — The international community is calling for investigations after Greta Thunberg reported that her humanitarian flotilla had su...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

7 Radical Ideas To Make Our Cities Safer

The Babylon Bee

7 Radical Ideas To Make Our Cities Safer

With violent crime continuing to plague American cities, the time has come for truly radical measures. Here are seven ideas for extreme changes to ...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

Tough-On-Crime Democrats Propose ‘100 Strikes And You’re Out’ Law

The Babylon Bee

Tough-On-Crime Democrats Propose ‘100 Strikes And You’re Out’ Law

U.S. — Facing heavy criticism for going easy on violent criminals, a group of Democrats sought to prove that they are tough on crime by proposing...

The Babylon Bee 3 months ago

Osama Bin Laden Getting Real Friggin' Tired Of Not Getting Credit for 9/11

The Babylon Bee

Osama Bin Laden Getting Real Friggin' Tired Of Not Getting Credit for 9/11

THE INFERNO — In a stunning tell-all interview from the bowels of Hell, Osama bin Laden said he is getting really friggin' sick and tired of...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Waffle House Unveils Successful Brand Strategy Of Just Keeping Everything The Same Forever

The Babylon Bee

Waffle House Unveils Successful Brand Strategy Of Just Keeping Everything The Same Forever

NORCROSS, GA — Following the public relations disaster Cracker Barrel experienced this week after it introduced its new logo, popular restaurant ...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Top 2 Greatest Things About Sydney Sweeney

The Babylon Bee

Top 2 Greatest Things About Sydney Sweeney

With all the controversy surrounding actress Sydney Sweeney's ad campaign for clothing retailer American Eagle, more people than ever are wond...

The Babylon Bee 4 months ago

Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics To Spend More Time With Vodka

The Babylon Bee

Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics To Spend More Time With Vodka

SACRAMENTO — Former Vice President Kamala Harris officially announced today that she would be stepping away from politics in order to spend more ...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Man At Disneyland Shocked By How Well His Kids Are Getting Along Suddenly Realizes He’s Standing With Wrong Family

The Babylon Bee

Man At Disneyland Shocked By How Well His Kids Are Getting Along Suddenly Realizes He’s Standing With Wrong Family

ANAHEIM, CA — A local father who had taken his family to Disneyland was reportedly shocked at how well they were all behaving until he suddenly d...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Gaza Said To Be Starving But Not 'Release The Hostages' Starving

The Babylon Bee

Gaza Said To Be Starving But Not 'Release The Hostages' Starving

GAZA — Despite reports that multiple men, women, and children had starved to death in the war-torn Gaza Strip as a result of the ongoing Israel-G...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Bible Scholars Now Believe The Seventh Seal In The Book Of Revelation Is The Full Release Of The Epstein List

The Babylon Bee

Bible Scholars Now Believe The Seventh Seal In The Book Of Revelation Is The Full Release Of The Epstein List

LONDON — In the wake of recent geopolitical developments, a team of esteemed biblical scholars said they now believe that the seventh seal in the...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Joe Biden States He Absolutely Would Have Approved All The Presidential Pardons If He Had Known About Them

The Babylon Bee

Joe Biden States He Absolutely Would Have Approved All The Presidential Pardons If He Had Known About Them

GREENVILLE, DE — In a rare public appearance after leaving office in January, former President Joe Biden stated that he absolutely would have app...

The Babylon Bee 5 months ago

Mattel Introduces New 'Ozempic Barbie' With Syringe And Detachable Belly

The Babylon Bee

Mattel Introduces New 'Ozempic Barbie' With Syringe And Detachable Belly

U.S. — Toy maker Mattel has unveiled the latest in its Barbie lineup, the all-new "Ozempic Barbie" that comes with real syringes and a de...