Get a grip girl. If I can fuck up and crash out as much as I have and feel as free as I do now, while actively moving towards the life of my dreams and seeing more and more evidence of it everyday day, so can you. #pleb #nostr #GM #plebchain

Someone needs this. I was just talking to a client about how you have to pick your discomfort. You can choose to go into the dead-end mental spiralling that you know leads nowhere. Or you can choose to keep dropping beneath the noise - something you might have to do a thousand times a day at first - and start learning to tolerate the sensation of being in the unknown where something new can emerge. [Author of words in the image unknown] #pleb #nostr #spirituality

This week I got in front of a woman  to talk positioning  because I continue to overcomplicate my message to absolute fuck. I know it is preventing the people who really need my incredible work from getting in. She takes no prisoners. spends the first half of the call drilling me What do you do? My chest gets hot.  How would you explain it to a third grader?  Hotter still. I realise how vulnerable it is to say it as it is. But then she pulls up my poetry  the expression that floods me flattens my over-explaining  forces me to say the thing and she's like: This is brilliant. This spoke to me. ...why don't you just write poetry?! I have never been SO nailed and so lit up at the same time.  Laughter exploded out of me.  I have filled containers writing only poetry. It is my favourite way to speak my mission into life. I told her I'd been reading aloud at open mics   Her eyes widened  like: Duh Hello  the writing is on the wall It nailed me because I realised I can have that. I can write in the medium of my flow state do my medicine work  undistracted and in my lane  I don't have to strain until I shit myself  trying to crack a code  that's been under my nose the entire time. In a space that is saturated with dead AI script poetry is gloriously alive. Over the last year  I have closed a lifetimes-long loop  of exhausting hustle  and endless healing  I let the spinning plates shatter  I let myself be. I am relaxed resourced  cherished  trusting. My spiralling mind  rooted down  through an open heart  and a grounded womb. decoding my brick shit house brain  gave me the mastery to initiate across the most important threshold of life - Spiritual surrender  Letting go of control  I.e that thing that makes everything else work  that makes life feel like it's working I'm having my best month in business in a while It's been slowly building  after years of feast and famine  of being taken down  again and again  by an almighty grip by a body that never learned how to be. that straight talking woman reflecting the obvious: go write the poetry go do the thing that is natural as natural as being was everything. #pleb #nostr #plebchain #letgoofcontrol

Restless woman. There is a swarm of bees behind your eyes that replaced the swing in your hips. There is an almighty din inside you schreeching over the truth. There is a depth a pulse a luminous dark that you hemorrhage your resources on staying suspended just above. You string yourself up. Because you don’t know who you are without the glorified puppetry of survival. Restless woman I placed my fingertips on the furrow of your brow I pulled the threads down from the knots in your head. I made them into roots and gave them back to the soil. I touched your feet I put weights in your soles So that you’d give up the fantasy of flight of quietly sneaking out the back door of your own life Restless woman, you are an infinity that you will never escape from. An eternity that longs to anoint you. An endlessness that yearns to envelope you. An emptiness and a fullness that wants nothing more than to rest in you. Restless woman have you stayed still for long enough to feel God inside your own body? Have you held the void’s gaze fervently enough to see your own reflection? Haven’t you played out this exhausting charade for long enough? #pleb #nostr #gm #letgo

Ghosting is an entity feeding behaviour. I don't say that to strike fear into people. It's nothing really to be scared of and being scared just feeds them even more. Nothing that doesn't have a physical body is more powerful than you are. But ghosting is a dissociative pattern and disassociation attracts parasites because it's a place where you're not in the house. Self-abandonment is a form of consent to dimensional weaponry. Honest connection and vulnerable intimacy is a strong form of spiritual protection. For nuance: ghosting is not the same as having a boundary. Cutting off contact can absolutely be a clean boundary. #pleb #plebchain #nostr #dimensionalwarfare

Women with hyper-active, looping minds have a fractured relationship with God as the void The cosmic womb The noise is there to fill an intolerable space. This is almost always because of a rupture in utero or at birth. The blueprint for being is downloaded at birth and integrated in the weeks following. And being is the void. Being without vigilance. Being without expectation or demand. Being enough. Returning to being Letting go into the void with every breath Is a deep awakening. It shatters the a-type identity melts the armour off of the heart and breathes life into roots that never got to fully form in those precious first moments on Earth. #pleb #nostr #void

The ability to let go isn't just a nervous system level skill set. It is a revolutionary luxury in a hyper-masculinised culture beginning to implode on itself. #pleb #nostr #nervoussystem #letgo #peace

This is the time of year where the rose bush in my garden requires me to fuss it every other day i.e wage war on the green aphids Several times a week I go out and brush the squillions of little green bodies off the buds and leaves with my fingers. And it fosters a sweet and intimate kind of attention. I catch sight of the snail that is smaller than the size of my little finger nail resting on a leaf. And the miniscule bits of fluff that are definitely fairies, glistening in the breeze. Once upon a time I was so scattered I couldn't see a car driving towards me. Now I can pass hours on a river bank watching all of the tiny things moving. So much life in one patch of ground no bigger then the size of my hand. And being present enough to see it feeds and satiates something in me that was starving. Nourishment lives in the now moment. #pleb #nostr #presence

I'm realising that the thing that stops people from letting go isn't the fear of something not changing but the fear of who you become when it does.  In grasping for control, we elect to stay the same. When you allow something so completely that no part of you is in opposition to it, what was made solid by judgement and fixation, becomes fluid again. It has no choice but to change. When you practice being in this way, the whole body experiences this truth in a way that is undeniable. The energy bottle necking in your chest disperses The burn in your gut cools Your heart blows up like a baloon #letgo #lettinggo #pleb #nostr #plebchain

I have recently emerged from a deep void space. It was a complete loss of orientation that has been calling me in, for years. A reckoning of sorts, that I had avoided up until that point, having built an astronomical amount of mental defence structure around it. I said to a soul friend while I was in it: “This is the spot that used to unhinge me.” All I could do was focus inwards and downwards. Every time my mind tried to drag me up into it’s wittering and panicking, I oriented down, down and down. It really humbled me, because I realised how much I’d still been trying to manage myself into a “higher” state. How sneaky that control pattern is. And how it just wasn’t an option anymore. The only authentic thing was to stay, unmoving, inside the void. In a place that offered no relief. Just the truth of the body and the truth of the moment. The only thing I had left, was this unconditional resolve to be in the darkness without projecting anything onto it. And my resolve to stay outweighed the fear. The breaking point (and the single biggest breakthrough I have possibly had) came, when the deepest part of me remembered how to “let go” as a continuous state of being. This remembrance has been slowly reorganising my system for the last year or so. But it still felt like I was trying to “mentally” re-enter the state. Trying to mentally manufacture feeling states has been my fucking kryptonite. A maddening compulsion. A crazy making by-product of a labyrinthine mind. And the poignant longing of a body that never learned how to feel safe. That didn’t know that it could, and eventually would, be a safe place to land. Something quiet and so delicate emerged out of those days of holding the line, in the dark. A stripped back, almost naked presence. (I say “almost naked” because my experience is that “fully naked” is like taking a hero’s dose of mushrooms and I don’t quite have the infrastructure for that yet haha) A thing I’d had in glimpses, that finally had space to integrate into my nervous system, as a new baseline. And a knowing - that anything outside of that presence was a performance. A protection pattern. An armouring. And that this was fine, too. Because I can allow it. I can allow the grip. I can allow judgement. I can allow the mind. It is all allowed. Nothing is in exile. I allow it and it washes through me. And the sweet relief that a once incredibly afraid part of me was utterly desperate for, was and is found, in the complete release of needing it. Of needing anything to be anything other than what it is. Right now my heart feels stretched. Like it’s not used to being this open. Like it’s straining against an old layer of protection. It feels intelligent and like a slow titration that I wouldn’t have had the patience to sit with, once upon a time. (See under: the time I meditated myself into a near-psychotic break at a Vipassana retreat.) In my darkest moments, I thought that there was always going to be a way that my mind could trick me back into a corner. What a WILD inversion that was. When the truth is that, there is nothing that cannot be allowed. No mental corner I can be backed into, that won’t crumble into allowance. Into the endlessness of the creator that is always and infinitely bigger than every prison my mind could build. And that this is wholeness. This is what it means to have permission for it all. This has been just as much a physiological unwinding as it has been a spiritual one. My body had to learn. It had to learn that it was safe to let go of control. And it is by no means the end of the initiation. But what I do know, is that inside that void, I gave myself permission to exist so wholly and thoroughly that the compulsive internal checking that made me feel like an alien inside my own body, lost its propellor. The contract broke. I am so grateful I stayed. #pleb #nostr #GM #void #spirituality

I ACCEPT MY SPIRITUAL DHARMA BUT HONESTLY A WEEK DOES NOT GO BY WHERE I DON'T DREAM OF PLAYING DRUMS IN A BAND SO HEAVY IT GIVES PEOPLE WHIPLASH THE DAY AFTER A LIVE SHOW JUST PUTTING OUT THERE #pleb #nostr #metal #spirtualawakening

I had a moment out walking yday where the sight of dappled light and leaf shadows fluttering in a strong wind almost made me faint. When you strip back all the layers between your body-mind and naked sensing, shit gets wild yo #pleb #nostr

Can we take a moment to acknowledge the fact that as I was holding my phone just now, it randomly started charging without being plugged in. I noticed that my thumb was resting on the port. I moved it. It stopped charging. I’m an electric bitch

Hands up all my girlies who say "I don't know" so often that it has become their personality. And you know deep down that it is not a reverent, surrendered I don't know but an "I'm just a helpless babyyyy with no power" I don't know It's an I don't know that you conveniently insert into every place where you could be standing in your authority. It's a feigned confusion that is a cover for the fact that you do, in fact, know. You are highly intuitive. You have always known. And you know what you need to do.  You just got a bit too comfortable inside of the identity that doesn't want to have to be responsible for holding that.  Your I don't know has become a subtle, repeated self betrayal.  Hands up if you're ready to take that mask off.  #pleb #nostr #spiritualgrowth #truth

My life and work feels MIRACULOUS after making the following change: I went to another open mic to play piano last night. It was a different one. A tiny, super packed out little pub. I am chill up until the point when I walk in and see how busy AND intimate it is. I can barely concentrate and stare through the barman for a second before gathering myself and blurting out that I want an orange juice, which I never drink. I almost didn’t go up to the woman running it. I was technically too late. I could have just left it. And it was like a wind at my back that carried me over to her anyway. She said she’d squeeze me in. Great. But when we sit down I notice something. I notice where my mind wants to go and where it has gone the last few times: it wants to obsessively picture the piano keys and play the song internally over and over and over and over again because it’s convinced I’ll forget it. It wants to hyper-fixate on that particular part that I froze on, the last time I played. It is absolutely DESPERATE for certainty. And I realised how untenable that desperation now was. I couldn’t actually run it anymore. Because it just isn’t who I am anymore. I am not someone who believes they are gonna forget a song that I wrote, that I have played a trillion times. I am not someone who bends to that kind of mental gymnastics. It was like every cell of me saw and felt how absurd my mind was being. And I gave it up. I handed it over. And tears pricked at my eyes because this kind of surrender still really gets me. How simple and beautiful it is to feel the holding on the other side of the mental grip. Something clicked when I played that night. My hands relaxed more. The expression of the music had space to come through instead of me just white knuckling to get through it. Every time I have gone to play I wanna walk out as soon as I walk in. Same goes when I read my poetry. It is still utterly vomit inducing. I actually consider it. I consider what it would be like if I just… walked out. And the pang of self abandonment is worse than the spicy as fuck exposure of staying. It won’t get easier for me. I won’t let it get easier. That’s not the goal. The point is that I lean into the edges that I think will kill me and I become more of myself. My mind gets even quieter. My body lets go even more deeply. I get closer to life Closer to God. And I get to be in a state of gooey-hearted flow in my day to day, more and more, as a default setting, because in choosing not to collapse into what is easy (walking out of that pub, walking out on myself) I get to experience true EASE. Every time I actively lean into the spicy spice the noise in my mind goes down another handful of decibels the grip in my body melts off the addiction to distracting myself drops back even further The fear of failure, of not being enough, of not “living up to the mark” loses its power. I get more free. It transfers into my creative work and business into putting offerings out into the world into the uncertainty and exposure of it all into my leadership and the way I show up for clients into the way I hold myself under pressure. When I am not protecting myself I allow myself to be fully supported and it is the most miraculous and beautiful thing. And it is what I walk others through. I hold people through the moments where they abandon themselves to fear, so that they learn how to stay, and keep staying. Because who you are in those moments and how you hold yourself is what sustains momentum is what creates results in your business is what allows you to LIVE in flow and stay connected without flopping in and out. When you hold this kind of standard for yourself you don’t doubt your potential or your ability to fulfil it it’s not even up for debate You ARE potential.

Writing was one of the first places where I could access a flow state.  Teaching, transmitting, facilitating, getting in the zone with clients is another one.  (Making music + gardening too!) When you've made the massive and brave decision to turn your flow state activities into a career, you're gonna be asked to face every place inside you that has been conditioned to swim against the flow. Every place where you get in the way of it.  Entrepreneurs + creatives stay in survival patterns and wallow in stagnancy for years longer than they need to because they fail to recognise the enormity of the gift they've been given:  To cultivate a whole life, lived in flow.  It's not for the faint of heart.  It is thorough. You will be asked to give up every ounce of self protection.   There will be nowhere to hide.  You will have to surrender to your fears over and over again  But it is freedom like no other.  It is an experience of life and being alive that most people write off as a pipe dream, that most people don't even allow themselves to want.  #flowstate #flow #pleb #plebchain #nostr

I’m watching “Britains most extreme OCD cases” and someone on there described themselves as constantly being affected by a black tar sludge substance that feels like it is entering them. It just really gets me thinking about how so much of what makes mental illness what it is, is actually dimensional warfare, and we are still in a collective location where a very small portion of us are approaching it from that place. So an enormous part of the map is missing for the vast majority of people. Mental health professionals and shamans need to start working together. #dimensionalwar #ocd #multidimensional #pleb #pleblife #nostr

WHY NOTHING SEEMS TO CHANGE (EVEN AFTER YEARS OF SHADOW WORK) I’ll give it to you straight: Nothing seems to change because the part of you scanning for what’s wrong, is running your life. You are intuitive AF. You have so much wisdom pulsing inside you. You are highly sensitive and creative. You are naturally suited to leadership. And you are acutely aware of this place where your unadulterated magic is regularly stifled by something heavy and tight. This is your inner scanner. Something that has run so subtly and for so long, it has felt like you. Something that you might not have had clear language for. Something that feels like it is always on. You “check” things compulsively. You feel braced often. Your mind is busy with what ifs and what needs to be done. You notice that your energy often feels like it’s blocked up in your chest and solar plexus. You have a hard time dropping into your womb and hips. And underneath it is this thing that you haven’t quite been able to name in concrete terms: The scanner. Mindset work is a distraction. Strategy isn’t gonna make it go away. Shadow work just makes you even more acutely self aware, and if self awareness was the answer you’d have five fuckin PHDs in it by now. It’s time to go to the root and dismantle the mechanism. You want to feel more at ease. You want to be more immersed in the NOW moment. You want to metabolise your vigilance into sharper intuition. You want to unlock your next level in your creative work and life relaxed, resourced and rested. You are: Successful, creative and intuitive, but are prone to tightening internally - to a sense that you can’t let go. You notice an intermittent but chronic something’s off feeling. You have done a lot of self development and trauma work. You sense that your high sensitivity is being mis-directed into vigilance. And you are ready for precise recalibration. Enter: Why nothing seems to change (even after years of shadow work) This is a complimentary Fear Medicine masterclass. We’re meeting on zoom at 4pm on Tuesday 3rd March. You’ll have access to a 72 hour recording. In the class we will cover: • The difference between trauma-driven vigilance and true intuitive guidance, and how to tell which one is leading in your creativity, leadership and life. • Why ease can feel out of reach even when life is objectively working, and how perception gets distorted by chronic alertness, undermining your success and your untapped potential. • How the internal “scanner” (the constant checking, fixing, bracing mechanism) quietly runs your decisions, creativity, and relationships. • The first step to unhooking from the compulsive something is wrong loop so your nervous system, leadership, and creativity can re-align to greater ease and peace. REGISTER HERE: https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register... [Art: Celestialmoonfire Art designs] #pleb #pleblife #asknostr #spirituality #leadership #GM

Presence is the highest form of spiritual protection.

Entities don’t want you to be seen or supported. The stuff that attaches to your field and siphons off of your energy, does not benefit from you being with people who can see you clearly. Hiding patterns, second guessing the desire for connection, and avoiding being seen can point to energies that feed on contraction and fear. I remember my teacher saying something once about the places where we avoid doing spiritual hygiene - the little thoughts that pop in that have you delay it or put it off. She said: “Who’s benefitting from that thought?” I.e Are those thoughts your own? Siphons thrive in isolation. They hook into that which remains unwitnessed. They stay alive inside of projection bubbles such as: “No-one will understand.” “No-one cares.” “I can do this on my own.” “I don’t need support.” Extractive energies conceal themselves behind the fog of shame, when we avoid being seen because of shame, we provide them with shelter. Leaning into and through the persuasion of a narrative that keeps you from getting in front of people who can SEE - be it trusted friends and family or supervisors, mentors or coaches - can be transformative in exposing things that have been looping for a long time. Connection is LIGHT. Other people’s light illuminating your shadow. What lives in the shadows cannot survive that light. And then your energy gets to be YOURS again. #pleblife #pleb #spirituality #multidimensional