When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.
Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
Be cheerful while you are alive.
-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less
than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
You will get what you deserve.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
Q: What is purple and commutes?
A: An Abelian grape.
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,
whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through
the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!
-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"
You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
be sold.
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q: Why did the WASP cross the road?
A: To get to the middle.
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
You too can wear a nose mitten.
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain
