Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
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Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A: Throw him a rock.
Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
Bridge ahead. Pay troll.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools
that think they are truffles.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Q: What do you call the scratches that you get when a female
sheep bites you?
A: Ewe nicks.