Your business will assume vast proportions.

Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic? A: The Titanic had a band.

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.

Q: Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain? A: Lawn Boy.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal. -- Mark Twain

Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come. -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm) -- by Charles Dickens A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place. The Metamorphosis LITE(tm) -- by Franz Kafka A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed. Lord of the Rings LITE(tm) -- by J. R. R. Tolkien Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano. Hamlet LITE(tm) -- by Wm. Shakespeare A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.

Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

Every why hath a wherefore. -- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"

Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.

A light wife doth make a heavy husband. -- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.

The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent with Basil. -- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

Q: What's buried in Grant's tomb? A: A corpse.

Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.

Q: What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common? A: The same middle name.