You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.

Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't understand his own meaning. -- George D. Prentice

Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.

The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first. -- Blaise Pascal

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Hell is empty and all the devils are here. -- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered. -- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.

A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.

You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.

You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.

Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail. -- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. -- Mark Twain

Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous? A: A canary with the super-user password.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. -- Mark Twain

Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.

You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

Q: Why is Poland just like the United States? A: In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland. -- being told in Poland, 1987

The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings. -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"