Too much is just enough. -- Mark Twain, on whiskey

You are fairminded, just and loving.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. "Cabbages and potatoes are better for you and me." -- J. R. R. Tolkien

Stay away from hurricanes for a while.

In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:..... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.

Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.

"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?" "The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as --" "My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice. "I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'" -- A. Conan Doyle, "The Valley of Fear"

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. -- Mark Twain

Excellent time to become a missing person.

You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.

Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.

Q: How did you get into artificial intelligence? A: Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.

You need more time; and you probably always will.

You too can wear a nose mitten.

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe! Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable! Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God? A: Yes, up to isomorphism! Q: What is a compact city? A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted policemen! -- Peter Lax

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break the bulb in the first place.

Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain