Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? A: One less drunk.

Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.

Q: What's a WASP's idea of open-mindedness? A: Dating a Canadian.

Q: What's the difference between a duck and an elephant? A: You can't get down off an elephant.

Today is what happened to yesterday.

Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.

"... all the modern inconveniences ..." -- Mark Twain

A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm) -- by Charles Dickens A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place. The Metamorphosis LITE(tm) -- by Franz Kafka A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed. Lord of the Rings LITE(tm) -- by J. R. R. Tolkien Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano. Hamlet LITE(tm) -- by Wm. Shakespeare A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.

Gone With The Wind LITE(tm) -- by Margaret Mitchell A woman only likes men she can't have and the South gets trashed. Gift of the Magi LITE(tm) -- by O. Henry A husband and wife forget to register their gift preferences. The Old Man and the Sea LITE(tm) -- by Ernest Hemingway An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.

ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much. MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.

Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.

Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!

Q: Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto? A: He found out what "kimosabe" really means.

Q: How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job? A: Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.

You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.

But, for my own part, it was Greek to me. -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be misinterpreted by somebody.

Q: Why haven't you graduated yet? A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted my dissertation to rhyme.

Questionable day. Ask somebody something.

Q: Know what the difference between your latest project and putting wings on an elephant is? A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...