Q: Know what the difference between your latest project and putting wings on an elephant is? A: Who knows? The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...

You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.

You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. -- Mark Twain

Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but he gets three credits for it.

What I tell you three times is true. -- Lewis Carroll

Q: What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out? A: Chewing gum.

If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe? A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe! Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable! Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God? A: Yes, up to isomorphism! Q: What is a compact city? A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted policemen! -- Peter Lax

Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand the time of the day. I wasted time and now doth time waste me. -- William Shakespeare

Q: How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.

Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all. -- Roger Zelazny, "Doorways in the Sand"

Blow it out your ear.

Q: Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads? A: Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise? Oh, right, *of course*!

You dialed 5483.

Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God. -- Mark Twain

He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream too. -- Lewis Carroll

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem.