"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me." -Wreck-it Ralph after molesting a child

I have a very expensive proscription. Unfortunately I left the money for that proscription in my pocket... and then washed my clothes. The cash got completely shredded. I went back to the bank and the teller goes "hello! What brings you back here so soon?" Apparently "laundering drug money" was not the correct answer to give in those circumstances.

I've decided I'll start going "a wise man once said..." and then I'll just quote myself.

i summon bkue eyes abyss dragon then have sex with it i end my turn

I know that people say black cat's aren't actually bad luck, and I agree with them! But you DO have to admit that it IS a little weird and creepy how black cats choose to nap in random shadows instead of beams of light like other cats do. Also, the way they sometimes stand up straight on their hind legs and just stare you is also a bit unsettling.

Whoever edited "Let's Get It Started" to say "let's get retarded" is a very funny person. My hat goes off to you, internet stranger!

I asked my therapist about it, and apparently hearing voices is actually very abnormal. Although I wanted a second opinion, so I asked the voice and he confirmed that no, my therapist was wrong. Hearing voices is actually perfectly normal and not a sign of an undiagnosed brain tumor. I don't know why the voice keeps bringing up brain tumors so often; it's actually really annoying and even a little creepy.

Respectfully officer, I disagree. My inability to walk in a straight line is NOT evidence of intoxication. It is actually just evidence of the dildo.