Anyone who says that single cell organisms are only capable of asexual reproduction has never seen a bacterium get raped to death by a virus.

Thank god we live in a world that prioritizes sharing every stray thought over living in the moment. What a nightmare that other world would be.

Society relies heavily on specialization in order to achieve its efficiency. And heavy specialization is only effective if there is a fast system of transportation. Cars are maybe the first or second most important modern technologies for that reason.

ok google how do you pronounce vagina

In general, the more "rights" an organization recognizes that depend on the organization itself for enforcement, the more passive aggressive and inauthentic that organization gets. I am convinced that institutional rights only decrease communication; they never increase quality of life. The perfect organization in my eyes, is the one that only recognizes rights that would still exist even if the organization didn't.

I don't know why everyone insists that Jared Fogle was a bad spokesman for Subway. He clearly just liked it fresh.

Drug users don't respect their own lives. Police also don't respect drug user's lives. Sure, I accept the premise that regulating drug use is really none of the government's business, but nevertheless, fighting to legalize drug use seems like a profound waste of my time. I honestly wish we lived in a world where preventing the state from hurting people who hurt themselves was the most important political topic of our age. It's all truly disgusting to me, and I want as little to do with it as possible.

I choose not to play Genshin Impact because I don't want people to think I'm a pedophile. I mean, I AM a pedophile, I just don't want people to think it. Rude.

I'm so racist that I broke into my workplace just to work on MLK day.😈

Nothing is more terrifying than a highly motivated retard suddenly deciding they want to get really, really good at your favorite hobby. Pray to god that nobody you look down on starts seriously pursuing something you've pinned your identity on being better than them at.

So I found a very provocative piece of art. I really wanted to understand the context behind it, so I looked it up. I found out that the person behind the project the art was a part of was a really controversial figure in his community. So what happened is that a group of people got their intellectual property used without permission by a guy- no, the community wasn't upset about him. Anyway, that guy made some art, but another guy took his intellectual property without permission, and- what? No! The community wasn't upset about him either, jeez. Anyway, so another group of people took that guy's intellectual property without permission, and the guy who took their intellectual property without permission is the one everybody was angry at. In order to finally understand what the art was about, I had to follow a citation link in a wiki about another wiki, and I got to that wiki wiki by following a citation link in another wiki. I swear the Friday Night Funkin' community is full of degenerates, children, and degenerate children. God damn.

The fact that time and age count in opposite directions is really confusing to me. When something is a higher age it's a lower time and vice versa.

So I went to wizard college, and I was expecting to learn all kinds of cool and interesting spells, but I've come to find out that the entire course consists of teaching us a couple dozen variations of the "soul annihilation" spell. I asked them why they only taught soul annihilation. Why not teach me something like fireball, eldrich blast, meteor, etc... They just looked confused. "Why would we need to teach you any of those things when a perfectly good soul anihilation can take down your enemies just as well? "But what about a shield spell?" I tried again. "If you have time to cast shield then you have time to cast soul annihilation. And if you anihilate the other guy's soul then you won't have to worry about shielding whatever spell they were planning on casting." "Okay but imagine if the only attack spell anybody ever uses is soul anihilation. If they already know what spell you're going to cast, then what does it even matter if you can react faster? They will just maintain the counterspell to soul annihilation on themselves at all times in case somebody attacks?" "Why do you think we teach you soul annihilation but yellow? It requires a completely different counterspell; they'll never see it coming." "Okay, but maybe what about spells that don't attack? Like, utility spells?" "Ohhhh... In that case you're going to want to join the porter's guild. Day in and day out they cast only the most productive and high utility spell we know of: teleport. If you get really good at it they might even teach you their other spell: mediate legal contract." So yeah, I'm not sure I want to be a wizard anymore...

The doctor tells the fluid dynamics professor that he needs to get more fluids in him, so he starts taking bigger breaths.