Web of trust is dumb.

Hey, you may think of me as a scoundrel, but I am nothing compared to my father Lars. He's so terrible that they put a law on the books making it illegal even just to be his kid. Learned that little tidbit the other day when a police officer arrested me for Lars-son.

I really don't understand people who choose to eat the crust of the pizza. What I do is I always just slurp up all of the cheese and sauce and toppings and then throw the breading away.

Why do people do drugs when being tired can mess with your mind too? It's a lot cheaper and less regulated too! Actually people say that being tired increases a person's creativity. I find that the number of posts I make is correlated with how tired I am.

The other day I was going for a walk and I ended up passing by a woman who was on her knees in front of a car that was completely destroyed. I decided I should talk with her. "What's wrong, ma'am?" "I'm a widow! I'm a WIDOW!" "Heh, yeah you are... You're a widow BITCH!" Anyway, the rest of my walk was pretty nice.

My body count is currently 5, but I'm always working on assimilating more people into my hive mind!

How many people had to fuck pigs for sex to be known as "porking"?

...It was a mistake to play charades with an auctioneer. He hardly even waits for us to act out our word, he just says EVERY word...

I was robbed at gunpoint recently. He asked me for my phone, but I told him that it was really old and beat-up and that he probably didn't want it. So he forced me at gunpoint to enter the cell phone carrier store and request a trade in for the latest version. He then proceeded to steal my brand new phone that he forced me to get. ...At least he let me get an insurance policy while I was there to cover theft of the phone...