#quotestr Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? A: One less drunk.

#quotestr He hath eaten me out of house and home. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

#quotestr "What's this? Trix? Aunt! Trix? You? You're after the prize! What is it?" He picked up the box and studied the back. "A glow-in-the-dark squid! Have you got it out of there yet?" He tilted the box, angling the little colored balls of cereal so as to see the bottom, and nearly spilling them onto the table top. "Here it is!" He hauled out a little cream-colored, glitter-sprinkled squid, three-inches long and made out of rubbery plastic. -- James P. Blaylock, "The Last Coin"

#quotestr If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. -- Mark Twain

#quotestr You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.

#quotestr Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

#quotestr You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.

#quotestr The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt. -- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

#quotestr A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."

#quotestr Never look up when dragons fly overhead.

#quotestr A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain

#quotestr The surest protection against temptation is cowardice. -- Mark Twain

#quotestr Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard? A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!

#quotestr You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.

#quotestr You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.

#quotestr You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.

#quotestr You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

#quotestr Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists, but he sings about his gingivectomist, he dreams about a single cosmologist, he thinks about his dog. The dog is named Herbert. -- Racter, "The Policeman's Beard is Half-Constructed"

#quotestr No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone. -- Shirley Jackson, "The Haunting of Hill House"

#quotestr Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.