#quotestr
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
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#quotestr
Be careful! Is it classified?
#quotestr
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
#quotestr
You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
#quotestr
Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
-- Mark Twain
#quotestr
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
#quotestr
You have taken yourself too seriously.
#quotestr
Q: Why do the police always travel in threes?
A: One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
#quotestr
Q: Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man
soup in a plate?
A: 'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
#quotestr
Make a wish, it might come true.
#quotestr
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
#quotestr
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-- Mark Twain
#quotestr
You will be successful in love.
#quotestr
Q: Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A: To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
#quotestr
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
#quotestr
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: He was giving it last rites.
#quotestr
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
procession but carrying a banner.
-- Mark Twain
#quotestr
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
on the topic of school textbooks
#quotestr
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
#quotestr
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.