😶‍🌫️ cupid's kitchen is ok tho right?

i kno it's gonna be a special day cos im already starting lunch cos it is gonna take awhile 😏

14.12.2025 whoa is this credible? cos this actually is one of my areas of research mostly focused on ethics and states rights from years ago where is works cited, mister ceo lawyer

finally, cos i guess im just sharing my morning heavy, once the meeting started i had to run out in the snow for smokes, and according to my guy, my town doesnt wake up til 11am on sundays but yesterday, cos snow, didnt wake up all day. no one came to the shop. anyway, wbai nerfed me on the way home. a voice was speaking over the airwaves and cos tired took a second to be like: i know that voice. UGH give me a warning democracy now, netanyahu in my ears before 10am on a monday what are we thinking out here immediately switched to my future college, a song i had never heard before, lyrically a little like.. is there a word for so set? calcifying? overcooked? maybe overproofed the bread proofed too long

finally, soon after, still early this morning, I had to get my dad up for his meeting cos gotta help out of bed and down the stairs cos knee brace. and as i was watching him put on his buttondown shirt and sweater, with the business shirt he was buttoning the buttons at the wrist, almost took slightly too long, cos the meeting was soon, that i was just gonna do it. cos faster. but then i had a feelingthought, looking at his hands, that they are my hands, we have very similar hands, tiny hands, and that my hands would look like his hands at his age so how could i ever not like them when i am his age? cos he will be gone and i will be wearing my dad's hands only slightly even smaller. like my dad's hands but went thru the washer and dryer so shrunk a bit. but same shape.

early in the morning, i had a feelingthought arrive, from child to parent, like daughter to Mother-With-Standards, a wish, and ask, a prayer: "that you may learn to love me in all the places i failed to meet, failed to live up to, failed to embody your dreams for me." and ask to love me as i am. and then it arrived to me, how often it seems, at least to me from the outside, men feel this way towards women. like the dynamic is only ever: I am going to disappoint the hell out of you. Love me there." what is that? is that a mother wound thing? or is that an og masculine thing? like to like a guy is to know you are signing up for the course: "how much grace and patience can i maintain while being let down utterly" The Disillusionment. or is that the illusion? maybe that's how they hypnotize you. Weaponized incompetence until your heart breaks and your magic leaves and you are just an indentured servant and you call that: Adulthood. im not sure how that would be gender euphoric for a man tho. like hey, wild, i succeeded in breaking another. im just collecting corpses out here.

recalled vaguely upon waking, my dream while asleep in the dawn. a grocery store, i think, or a big bakery, i was looking at pastries like big fluffy breads mixed with chocolate swirls. that's all i can remember