Seven years ago my father died after an extended battle with cancer. I took care of him in the hospital and watched the strongest man I knew return to infancy before slipping away.
He was silent generation, not a boomer, and he had me late in his life. He worked his ass off since we has 14 because his dad died young. He worked in a hardware store, served in the Navy during Vietnam, climbed the corporate ladder, and ultimately ran several businesses.
I love my dad. He was hilarious, brilliant, a patriot, an artist, and he was a hardass.
There were many things I admired about my dad and many things I resented as well. I love all of them because they made me the man I am today.
After he passed, I took my life in a fundamentally different direction than he would have wanted. He meant well, but I am better for it.
Life is precious, but fleeting.
True love is unconditional and indestructable.
Happy 4th πΊπ²
In the face of deeply uncomfortable emotions, it can be helpful to ask yourself, "Does this feel familiar to me?" Not the circumstance, but the affect.
This is because major emotional upsets often repeat in cycles from early childhood. If the charge exists, it will pull an individual into circumstances which allow them to relive that pattern. The cycles can often be tracked back in approximately seven year intervals.
This could be related to the seven year cycles in cell regeneration, but the reason doesn't matter so much as noticing the emotions and the pattern. If you're feeling really off balance, check back 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42 years in the past to see what comes up.
You might be surprised what you find.
Instead of latching on to the present circumstance or stories from the past, feel the emotions that are connected to those experiences unconditionally. That means, with no judgement or desire to change them; however long that might take.
If this can be accomplished authentically (without force), the charge behind that pattern can be allowed to dissipate permanently.
I once knew a girl who was suffering from anxiety. She became acutely aware of the floaters in her vision as well as the baseline static that's always present.
After going onlind an finding a subreddit on the topic she convinced herself that she had a disorder and became obsessed over it.
That was just the beginning stage of what turned into an extended psychotic break.
Be careful of the stories you tell yourself.